A Moment of Clarity

Something happened to me today that I would like to share with everybody.

One of my roommates came into my room and started to accuse me of not doing something around the house. I nicely (at first) told him that I have been doing the activity in question. He was not pleased with the answer I gave him. So he starting antagonizing me about it. I asked him to leave and he refused. I tried to close the door and he blocked the door with his foot! At this point I became VERY angry to the point wanting to smack the crap out of him. We carried on for a few minutes yelling and screaming where he accused me of antagonizing him. Isin't that rich? After the incident I thought to myself why did I become so angry at something so small and insignificant? Something that had no meaning in the grand scheme of life. After I calmed down and was abel to think the answer came to me. It is two fold.

First I got angry at the fact that he showed no respect for me and my personal space when I asked him nicely to leave.

Second, he had me cornered in my personal space and I had nowhere to turn. Usually when he starts in on me, in the common areas of the house, I turn and walk away. This time however I had no way out. I felt trapped. Then it hit me later on that this incident reminded me of my childhood. Being hit from all sides with nowhere to turn. I was being abused and I also had to deal with the fact that I was a social outcast and I only had 1 friend, so my room became my sanctuary, the only place I could find comfort and solace.

I am also a little frustrated and angry that the people in this house and some of my so called friends don't know or don't seem to care about this journey I am on. Maybe their lack of interest or compassion stems from that they don't want to face their pasts and they are trying to deal with the present. They don't seem to realize that the things or circumstances in the present seem to stem from unresolved issues of the past. I understand that this is common and I try not to force this on the people around me. When I started the healing process back in 1998 I made a commitment to myself to see this journey through! I owe it to myself to do this! I owe it to myself to HEAL!!!!!!!

New Poem

Beauty

Sees through the glorious light,
Every part of beauty etches the soul,
Needs beauty to help become whole.


The ache and longing continue,
Constant in the heart sees beauty everywhere,
Instead of an ugly stare.

Clandestine love of a young heart,
Needing and yearning beauty’s path to cross,
Without it, the heart suffers loss.

Needs beauty to comfort the tired soul,
Living in a world that doesn’t care,
Crying and alone in despair.

Like two ships sailing different ways,
The path and beauty have been going,
Not one or the other knowing.

The fates say they have other things in store,
It is time to let go,
Like a stubborn child tells them NO!

So hard to let go of beauty,
It is in the heart from first to last,
It does not remind of the dark and wicked past.

Knowing there is much light ahead,
Still holds to beauty tightly,
Day by day tries to let go ever so lightly.

Daily Horoscope

Every now and again my horoscope seems to reflect what is currently going on in my life. I read mine today and I was like WOW!



Friday, Jun 26th, 2009 -- Accomplishing your long-term goals might seem like an impossible task now as you face the simple reality of where you are in your life. But there's no time for self-pity; you have important work to do today. You have a small window of opportunity, so don't waste any time. Acknowledge what isn't working and make whatever changes are necessary to get back on track.

HTC Survivor Art Event

CALLING PRESENTERS, PERFORMERS AND ARTISTS

Submit your art work, present your workshop or performance at the 4th Annual Healing through Creativity Art Event for Survivors of TraumaTrauma Survivors and Supporters of Survivors of Trauma are invited to share art, music, writing, poetry and other creative forms at the Healing Through Creativity Festival. Connect with other trauma survivors at the event. Volunteer today.

Calling for Presenters, Performers and Artists.

CONTACT US NOW.

When: Oct 17-24 2009Where : Heart of Virginia Foundation Center for Integrated Arts, Grandin Gardens, 1731 Grandin Rd, Roanoke, Virginia The experience helps trauma survivors and promotes community understanding.For more information visit our website and forum at www.healingthroughcreativity.org for contact details.

CHECK IT OUT TODAY

The Writing Is Back!!

Someone In The Crowd



Saw him sitting there in the crowd

For a moment remembered the things he has done; like a thief stole youth’s dreams, innocence and possibility with one touch, the anger, rage and pain, how through the journey the spirit cleans up the mess he made

The moment over, turn and walk away, remember what has been done to live and thrive
In a new life he has no place, no longer a face or a name, now just someone in the crowd

Falling off the wagon...Reality Bites!!!

Some time ago I posted a list of goals that I would like to achieve during 2009. Well some of them have been a real challenge to even attempt.

One of my primary goals was to try and quit smoking. I did it once before and it really sucked. I continue to ask myself why did I start up again? I think it was I was getting one shitty job after another when I moved to Vegas. Well that excuse no longer holds water. I am doing what I want to do now-writing poetry and working for 4 months which suits me just fine. I tried to cut back to slowly ween myself off of nicotine. I went so far as to buy healthy snacks to satisfy the cravings. I am also chewing lots of gum and excessively brushing my teeth. Needless to say I am going to try the cold turkey once again. Reality Bites!

Another goal was to focus on my continued weight loss and fitness goals. I have temporarily "fallen off the wagon." I am still watching what I eat but I lack the motivation to exercise. I know my health and well being should be the ONLY motivating factor but as the cliche goes-old habits die hard. It is hard to think a different way when you are used to the negative all the time. There is some hope here. I keep imagining myself thinner and toner. If you can visualize it then it is possible and not far behind. Reality Bites Even MORE!!!! I need a motivator!!

Now onto the new book. I am happy to report that I have sold two more copies of my current book. Just like the weight loss I am lacking inspiration and motivation. I do see a little bit of light here. I have had a few ideas in my head and have been writing them down. So I am hopeful that the writing will come. Reality REALLY Bites!!!

Lastly, I wanted to attend the HTC festival this year. This goal as been achieved. I got a pretty sweet bonus comp before and after taxes. So the trip is paid for. I am going to be helping with some of the planning and marketing the event. I have sent some of you a copy of the flyer. Any help you can give me will be appreciated. It makes me feel good that I will be doing something for others as well as myself. Thankful for small things!!!


So the message of this post is clear! Marie, get up off your butt, change the tapes because your new life is waiting for you!!!

HTC Annual Festival Dates Announced

This year's festival's dates and venue were recently announced. I am thrilled that I will be attending this year's event as a volunteer and having more of my work displayed.

When: October 17-24 2009

Where: Heart of Virginia Foundation Center for Integrated ArtsGrandin Gardens, 1731 Grandin Rd, Roanoke, Virginia

I have been asked to help promote the event on line and in the community. This is a great opportunity for me to get involved with a cause I really believe in. Most importantly I will be helping others and helping myself.