A Relaxing Weekend

Well friends since my last post on 1/23/09 until Feburary 6 I have worked over 140 hours during the busiest time of the season. The reward was a nice paycheck on Friday! I got some of my return clients thousands of dollars in refunds. Right now in this struggling economy everybody needs their money and they need it fast!

After catching up on some bills, and buying groceries I was abel to spend some of my hard earned money on myself for a change. What a concept! I went to see one of my clients who just so happens to be a hair stylist. She redid my color, trimmed the dry ends and waxed my eyebrows. Boy do I look and feel human again!

So with the rush of the season over I do have some time to write and catch up with my on line friends. I plan to spend Sunday sleeping, cooking and reading! I hope everybody has a wonderful weekend.

I'm A 7!!!

Your Spiritual Number is Seven

You bring knowledge and wisdom into people's lives. You are an expert in many fields, and you give excellent advice. Right now, your life is about perfecting your skill set. You are almost a virtuoso at the thing you love best. With some practice, you'll get there. You are highly intelligent and intellectual. You have profound analytical skills. But you also have the soul of an artist. You long to create.

What's Your Spiritual Number?

The Letters

While in therapy, Carol suggested that I write letters to those who have hurt or wronged me as a healing tool. The opportunity has now presented itself to write letters to my abuser and my parents.

I have decided to contribute these letters to the Letters from Survivors book project. I hope these letters will finally help me take that final step-resolution and moving on.

There is the possibility however that when these letters are finally written and published that they will alienate me further from my family. That is a risk I am willing to take. I am willing to accept the consequences of my actions. I am thinking well the problem then is with THEM and not me.

I am estranged and avoid contact with my abuser. I wrote him off a long time ago. I went through the motions to try and have him in my life to please my mother. I now realize that I was living a lie. I won’t do it anymore! What concerns me now is that the rest of my family will not understand why I did this.

To us as survivors the answer is clear, to finally have some closure and reclaim our lives-the lives that were interrupted when we were abused and lived in constant fear and silence.

The letters will take a lot out of me emotionally. I will write them at different times. When thoughts come into my head, I write them down and then piece them together later. That is how I wrote my book, one step at a time. It is a lot like healing, taking it one day and one step at a time.

I personally want to thank the creator of the project for presenting this wonderful opportunity. I know however that it is up to me to heal and change my life. I am hopeful if a survivor is still sitting out there living in silence and pain, may our stories and letters offer hope and inspiration.

It's That Time Again

Well friends it is that time of the year again! I am sure you are all anxiously waiting to get thoes W2's and 1099's and pulling out your hair in the process! I have found that tax season brings out the worst in people!

I am working for H&R Block again this year. I decided not to be a office leader this year due to the fact that for the last two years I haven't made any money which I think is bullshit. So in my infinite wisdom I decided to let go of that role and become a preparer. I was concerned that my clients from last year would not be able to find me. Some of them have already called me to schedule appointments. COOL!

I moved to an office where they do a lot of self-employed and rental clients-the two areas I am good at-these returns are high in billing. So needless to say I will make some money this year.

If anyone out there needs some tax questions answered please feel free to send me a e-mail.

Happy New Year!

Well another year has come and gone. 2008 has had some major ups and downs. I look forward to 2009. I don't make resolutions. I do have goals. Here is my list of things I would like to accomplish in the new year!

Quit Smoking

Tone and reshape my body

Publish my second book of poetry

Earn or save enough money to attend the HTC arts festival in 2009

Take some art classes.


These goals are very realistic and attainable if I put my mind to it!

I hope all of my friends have a safe and happy new year's celebration!!!!

Letting Go

During the last couple of weeks I have been letting go of some things.

First off I had to let my cat Duke go by putting him to sleep. That was such a heartbreaking thing for me to do. I feel empty and so alone now it is very sad and depressing.

About a week or so ago Safe Nest came to my house to pick up clothing donations. My roommate told me to get rid of all of my oversized clothing now that I am much thinner. This was easy and hard at the same time. I have been reduced to a few pairs of pants and a couple of dresses.

I had a talk with my roommate about people who are in my life who I have met when I was in a self destructive phase. They really don't keep in touch with me at all and it is hurtful and frustrating. I told her about one person who has repeatedly pushed my buttons, used and hurt me to their advantage. She asked me why do I want to maintain a friendship with this person after all that this individual has done to cause me pain. I told her that I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and then she called me a masochist. It was then I realized that she was RIGHT!!!

The thoughts turning in my head are these, I let all of this go what do I have left? What do I have to look forward to? What can I do to replace what I have lost?

RIP!

Today I had the heart wrenching task of putting my baby Duke to sleep. This morning he was crying in pain and walking funny. I picked him up and put him on my bed. He was just lying there with his eyes open and unresponsive. It was at that point I knew I had to let him go to stop his suffering. When I put him in his carrier he was crying and whimpering in pain.

When I got to the shelter the volunteer told me that it was not from the liver problems it was due to a broken neck. I have been trying to get around how could he have broken his neck? The only thing I could come up with is that sometime during the night he injured his neck (or spinal cord) by possibly jumping off the bed.

The only thing I find comfort in is that I did the humane thing and ended his suffering. I am going to miss him terribly. However when I play back the days events I burst into tears!

Rest In Peace my friend!