28 Days and Counting!

www.healingthroughcreativity.org

I will be leaving on October 14 to attend this life changing event!

There is still time to enter your artwork for the festival!

I would like to thank everybody for their continued support. I will be performing my poetry from the book! I can't wait to be a part of this life changing event!

Another MeMe

I like doing these from time to time. This one looks good thanks JLee!


1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
A piece of toast.

2. Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew?
No

3. Where was your profile picture taken?
At home.

4. Can you play Guitar Hero?
No, but I would like to learn.

5. Name someone that made you laugh today.
Nobody

6. How late did you stay up last night and why?
About 2am-couldn't sleep.

7. If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Yes, Southern California or Texas.

8. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
No. :(

9. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Most of my friends live out of state.

10. Do you believe ex's can be friends?
It depends.

11. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
Like it, but it has a lot of processed sugar.

12. When was the last time you cried really hard?
The day my cat Duke died.

13. Where are you right now?
At my parent's house-I am housesitting while they are on vacation.

14. What bed did you sleep in last night?
Slept on the couch.

15. What was the last thing someone bought for you?
Dinner.

16. Who took your profile picture?
One of my roommates.

17. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
My roommate Eric

18. Was yesterday better than today?
Yes, yesterday was Monday.

19. Can you live a day without TV?
I think so.

20. Are you mad about anything?
Not really, frustrated mostly.

21. Are you upset about anything?
See above answer.

22. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Don't know, I have never been in one.

23. Are you a bad influence?
Maybe

24. Night out or night in?
Night in.

25. What items could you not go without during the day?
My phone or water.

26. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
nobody

27. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
don't remember

28. How do you feel about your life right now?
Needs a major overhaul!

29. Do you hate anyone?
Not really, but there are people I have chosen to live without!

30. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
Messages from friends and artists that I like.

31. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Yes!

32. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Yes, and I am happy to say that I am not :)!!!

33. What song is stuck in your head
"You're The Voice"

34. Someone knocks on your window at 2am, who do you want it to be?
It's a secret! :)

35. Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
NO

36. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Go to work.

37. Do you think too much or too little?
Too much.

38. Do you smile a lot?
Sometimes.

39. Who was your last missed call on your Mobile phone?
Deposit notification

40. Is there something you always wear?
No.

41. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Doing this damn meme.

42. Did you have an exciting last weekend?
No.

43. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes.

44. Have you ever dyed your hair?
Yes.

45. Are you wearing a necklace?
No.

46. Are you an emotional person?
At times. I would lean toward "yes"

47. What's something that can always make you feel better?
Kind words from friends and having money.

48. Will this weekend be a good one?
I hope so.

49. What do you want right now?
To write some poems.

50. Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
No-I think it might be fun though.

51. Have you ever worked in a food place?
Yes.

52. Whats on your schedule for tomorrow?
Work and then going to a poetry reading.

53. Does anyone know your facebook password?
No.

Another Stupid Criminal

www.kvbc.com

This guy was on the VH1 reality show Meagan Wants a Millionaire. He is accused of murdering his wife Jasmine Fiore. Her body was found in a suitcase in a dumpster. Her teeth and fingers were removed.

There is one thing this guy did not remove was her breast implants. This is how she was identified. So as I heard this story I immediately thought what an idiot this guy is. If you are trying to get away with murder do the job right!

Epiphany

Those of you who have read and commented on my last two posts understand what I have been dealing with. Yesterday I had a epiphany about this situation.

It seems I am always quick to blame myself for how others behave. That I somehow asked for this kind of behavior. I went so far as to think I could become abusive myself. Then it hit me-this person is a drug addict! So now I am beginning to think that hey I am not crazy I am just dealing with an addict again!

I am so tired of dealing with addicts! My  abuser and his former girlfriend were alcoholics and used meth. My abuser still drinks quite a bit. I have really got to try and surround myself with a healthier group of people!

I am working so hard to make lasting changes. It seems for every step I take, I take two back!

Baby Steps

It has been an interesting two weeks. I attended my first poetry reading last week. I was so nervous when I got up to the mic to read my first poem. By the end of the night I was able to relax a little bit. The atmosphere was so laid back and casual I felt welcomed. I finally found something in life that I actually love doing. It has been a long time since I have been able to say that. Maybe this will help me alleviate some of these negative feelings I have been having lately.

Another thing that I have enjoyed doing lately is going to the community center for swimming lessons. It has been a long time since I have been in the water. I guess in some way I have been afraid of the water. The instructor has a good sense of humor and is very patient. I still need to work on my lack of coordination. I was absent the day coordination was passed out. I am someone who bumps into walls and stuff. How weird.

It seems that I will have to take my Breaking The Silence blog private as well. I have received several nasty comments on there as well. They are from the same hater as used to post on this one. Some of you know to whom I refer. It makes me sad that so many people revert to cruelty to alleviate ones own insecurities. If nothing else I feel sorry for this person.


Now onto my living situation, the best way I can deal with this is to do my best not to let this get under my skin so much.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Now I Know Where I Stand

Well as some of you know I have been experiencing some unpleasant discord in the house where I live. As of yesterday afternoon it was made clear to me excatly where I stand in this household.

I had lunch with the owner of the house and I began to share my concerns about my saftey and my on-going conflict with another member of the house. She made it clear that if it came down to me or him that I would have to be the one to go and that I had options. I thought to myself what options? Going back to live with my parents-that is definitely NOT an option. I would be trading one unhappy situation for another. This is the person who crashed her computer and now it is going to cost her a substantial amout to be fixed. It just seems to me that I am nothing else to her than a business arrangement. What happened to being friends. Silly me! This is why I aim low when it comes to dealing with other people so I don't get overly disappointed. It seems in this uncaring world I live in, I cannot really open myself up to be vulnerable. I desire to open my heart to others, it seems I have struck out again. What a sad realization this is.

It has been also made clear that I am just a guest in this house. Well here is how I see it. I am a tenant who pays the rent and I expect certain things in return. It seems all that has been happening is that these people want to use me for what I can give them. The only knocks at the door are when these people want to use my car to go pickup girlfriends and other questionable activities and nothing else. Fortunately, the owner's car has been fixed and now they don't rely on me as much anymore.

I guess what I have to do is start being more assertive and start surrounding myself with healthier people who will truly care about me but the problem is where do I find these healthier people? So I guess until this happens I will have to interact with these people at a safe and polite distance. It upsets me now that I have to this. Oh Well, life goes on!

Update And A Observation

Okay, now that the unpleasantness is over, it is time to get back to business.

One of my goals for 2009 is to quit smoking. I have tried cold turkey but that doesn't work for me! So I bought the patch and I am happy to report that I have been smoke free since Saturday of last week. Some people when they quit they get really crabby. I am fortunate enough that I have not been agitated or crabby at all. I am sure my roomates are appreciative of that as well. I still have two weeks to go on the patch and then I will see if this is going to work.

Okay onto other business, my poem, Beauty has been selected for publication. I also have entered it in a writing competition. You can view the poem on my FB page. The FB page is on the sidebar.

I have come to the unpleasant realization that a lot of men out there (especially here in Vegas) are very shallow and insecure. I was talking to one of my male roommates (the same one I got mad at last week) and he told me he would be totally turned off by a woman who had deep red stretch marks on her belly. I understand we all have insecurities and we can become shallow at times but come on already! I am thinking what the hell did I ever see in this guy? Major brain fart if you ask me!

What started this was since I have lost a considerable amount or weight I have some loose skin floating around. This guy seems to think that it can all be taken care of by exercise alone. I tend to disagree, some of it will have to be surgically removed. I am sure I am not the only one but I got suckered by the negative body image trap. Please Please I don't want to be a slave anymore, Help Me Help Me!!!