Finally, some good shit is happening. I am going to have a half-dozen of my poems published in a book due out in Winter 2006. One of the poems, “Her Angel” is entered in an amateur poetry contest. The book and the contest are sponsored by the International Library of Poetry a.k.a. Poetry.com. There are so many thoughts racing in my head. I can’t control them. Since I have a very overactive imagination, there all sorts of scenarios in my head right now. I am rambling again, please someone stop me! I am very happy by the news. I did not believe it at first. When I received the letter, I was like holy shit is this for real. Is this a joke or what? After the initial shock wore off I was okay, this is soooo cool. I am hoping that this will open some doors for me. I now have established myself as an artist (I think). Who would have guessed that a mental defective like me would become an artist? Go figure. Okay I am minimizing again please someone stop me before this goes to my head.
You can go to poetry.com and type Coppla, Marie and the list is there. When my book is published in 2006, I will start another blog dedicated just to my poetry and the book. If nothing comes of this, I will be happy (not complacent) that my work was recognized. Fuck, who the hell am I kidding? I will keep on writing until something happens for me. There is no stopping me now. To quote Mr. Seth Frye, “Put that in your pipe and smoke it.”
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Useless shit about me!
A word of caution, this list was compiled under the influence of Zoloft and a six- pack of Budweiser. These things together are a yummy combination.
Well shit, it seems I have a lot of time on my hands. I went the untraditional way and had an uneven number. I guess I had to do a list at some point. I will do another in the future about things that piss me off. Well take care and party hardy.
- I can’t manage stress very well
- Budweiser is my favorite beer
- Absolut Vodka is my favorite liquor
- I have a potty mouth
- I am allergic to animal hair
- I love cats (but can’t own one)
- Purple is my favorite color
- I love to burn scented candles; especially white ones
- I am outspoken
- I am a bit of a perfectionist
- I love kids
- I am a bit of a slob
- I frequently get depressed
- Chocolate and caramel are my favorite candy combo
- Diet Pepsi is my favorite soda
- Cheese cake is my favorite desert
- Ben & Jerry’s CC Cookie Dough is favorite ice cream
- I USED to weigh 190 lbs.
- I have naturally curly hair
- I love spending money
- I like tall good looking men
- I am a bit shallow
- I was born in Massachusetts
- I hate winter
- I have never been arrested
- I love bubble baths with white candles and sipping wine
- I have a Bachelor of Science degree
- I have never been married; but I can still hope can’t I
- I love roses
- I like to watch golf on TV
- I like to play video games even though I suck at them
- I love to watch the sun set
- I love clear blue ocean water
- I am a realist which is often mistaken for pessimism
- I fantasize often
- I like meeting new people but I am scared sometimes
- I have a hard time keeping a conversation going
- I am straight
- I am abrasive
- I am aggressive
- I like dirty jokes
- Law & Order SVU is my favorite TV show
- Sometimes I like to be left the fuck alone
- I am at times very insensitive
- I often get bored and I hate boring
- I sometimes wallow in self-pity
- I am afraid of being alone
- I have no real close friends
- I have a poor body image
- I complain constantly
- I hate the status quo
- I hate black and white way of thinking; always shades of gray
- My favorite toy has a moving appendage and it vibrates
Well shit, it seems I have a lot of time on my hands. I went the untraditional way and had an uneven number. I guess I had to do a list at some point. I will do another in the future about things that piss me off. Well take care and party hardy.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Holy shit..I think I found something that works!
After many years, I have found a “happy” pill that actually treats the mental affliction that I have. During my course, I have been treated with Prozac, Wellbutrin, Buspar and Lexapro. None of these seemed to work all that well for me. I recently went to the doctor and told him that these drugs were not working so he started me on Zoloft. Yes, I am finally coming out of the closet. I am mentally ill. Just in case anybody is wondering, I did not ask for this shit or want to be so fucked up that I need medication to function. I am just playing the hand out which sucks.
My official diagnosis is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Most of you already know the symptoms so I will not rehash them. Off my medication, the symptoms take over my life. I have debilitating negative self-talk, fits of uncontrollable rage, anger, panic and anxiety. These things often scare people. At my former job, I was often told that I scare people and I was often labeled as a “time bomb waiting to go off.” One thing that really pisses me off is people’s lack of education, understanding and compassion when it comes to mental illness. I guess people are afraid of what they don’t and don’t want to understand. I just have one thing to say, get over your fear we don’t need it!
On this new medication, the chronic depression I feel is better. I still sleep well into the day and I lack motivation to do everyday things like clean my house, do laundry et cetera. All I feel like doing these days is lie in my bed and watch TV. Writing has helped a lot. I look forward to finishing my book, which will pinpoint the causes of my illness. The voices in my head are not so rampant they are somewhat under control. I am concerned that I will not be able to continue my treatment due to no health insurance. I know that there is support and help available I just have to find it.
My official diagnosis is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Most of you already know the symptoms so I will not rehash them. Off my medication, the symptoms take over my life. I have debilitating negative self-talk, fits of uncontrollable rage, anger, panic and anxiety. These things often scare people. At my former job, I was often told that I scare people and I was often labeled as a “time bomb waiting to go off.” One thing that really pisses me off is people’s lack of education, understanding and compassion when it comes to mental illness. I guess people are afraid of what they don’t and don’t want to understand. I just have one thing to say, get over your fear we don’t need it!
On this new medication, the chronic depression I feel is better. I still sleep well into the day and I lack motivation to do everyday things like clean my house, do laundry et cetera. All I feel like doing these days is lie in my bed and watch TV. Writing has helped a lot. I look forward to finishing my book, which will pinpoint the causes of my illness. The voices in my head are not so rampant they are somewhat under control. I am concerned that I will not be able to continue my treatment due to no health insurance. I know that there is support and help available I just have to find it.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Welcome to OUR Town!
Jude, you had asked me to write a story about my latest misfortune using my former colleagues as characters in a story. Well here, it is my friend. For all my other readers enjoy laughing your asses off. I sure did when I wrote it. If any of this offends anyone, I would encourage you not to read and comment. I changed names and descriptions to protect myself from the not so innocent. Enjoy!
She steps off the bus into a new town. It is very late and she is tired from her long journey from the last town she left. She is filled with positive feelings and expectations. Little does she know what is in store for her? She has come here much to her dismay but she decides to give it a chance. She somehow gets an uneasy feeling that this town is the same as the one she left a few years earlier. She checks in at the cheapest motel in town, unpacks, showers, and brushes her teeth and goes to bed with anticipation of the start of her residency here in a new place. She drifts off to sleep telling herself that it will all be okay.
The next morning she rises early, dresses and brushes her teeth and starts getting to know the residents of her new home. She first goes to a local café and has a healthy breakfast. She needs her strength if she is going to make the most of her first day here. She leaves the café, and starts to walk down the street when she meets one of the residents. It is a tall man about mid-forties, blonde hair, and blue eyes with a warm and friendly smile he says to her, “Good Morning my name is Mr. Passive. I will help you anyway I can. Please do not ask me to stand up for myself because the women in this town walk all over me and I let them get away with it. Welcome to OUR town.” She smiles at him, wishes him a good morning, thanks him and continues on her way. She thinks to herself that he may be somebody she would like to get to know a little better.
As she continues on, she runs into a woman. She is young with red hair and beautiful green eyes. She stops and says to her, “Hello, I am Ms. Arrogance. You should be nice to me or I will make or break you. I am the best think since sliced bread. I like things done MY way. I like things all neat and orderly. I know everything there is to know here. I run this town.” She thinks that this woman is obviously a pseudo leader and she will meet the real one soon. As with Mr. Passive, she bids her a good morning and goes about her business. She immediately thinks that this young woman is on a power trip. She can be either your best friend or your worst enemy.
With all the excitement, she is a little weary so she rests for a spell on a park bench when another woman sits down next to her. She looks about her age, brown hair and eyes. The woman says to her, “I am Nosey Parker glad to make your acquaintance.” As soon as she found out the name there was trouble. Nosey Parker continues to say, “Please tell me all about yourself and I will be sure to tell everybody else what you told me because I cannot keep my mouth shut and I am always in other people’s business.” She says these things with a high pitched voice that would drive anybody insane. She smiles at the woman, shakes her hand and says, “Thanks I will be seeing you around.” A red flag goes up after shortly meeting Nosey Parker. She knows all too well not to tell this woman anything that you do not want repeated . This translates don’t’ trust her as far as you can throw her. She is right now running to tell everybody in town that the new one has arrived. However, she wants to give everybody the benefit of the doubt.
After having the exasperating experience with Nosey Parker, she rests a few moments longer. She finally resumes her walk about town until she reaches a quaint internet café. She immediately enters because she smells the aroma of her favorite coffee hazelnut. She buys a cup and sits down at a terminal to check and answer e-mails from the past couple of days. A few moments pass and another woman sits besides her. She has bleached blonde hair and silicon breasts. She is also carrying a handbag decorated with cows. She says to the woman, “Cute bag, I can see you have a cow fetish going on here.” The woman replies back to her with a bit of attitude, “Thank You and yes I do. Let me introduce myself I am Desperate. I come here often to this café to shop for jobs, clothes, husbands and anything else the internet has to offer.” She replies to the woman, “Pleasure to meet you. I hope to be seeing you around town.” She then finishes drinking her coffee, checking her messages and then quietly leaves the café. As she continues walking around town, she thinks WOW! what a fake. She knows however, that you should not always judge a book by its cover.
As she approaches her final destination, her new place of work, she enters through the back door and up the elevator. As she steps off, she sees the cube farm lined up pretty in a row. She now sees Mr. Passive, Ms. Arrogance, Nosey Parker and Desperate congregating together spreading their usual dose of morning cheer. They all see her say hello and smile. She thinks Oh My God what have I gotten myself into? She walks over to them and says, “Hello.” Nosey Parker says to her, “Welcome to the office there is someone who I want you to meet.” A very tall and handsome young man with sandy blonde hair rises from his chair and says, “Hello, I am the Golden Boy. Stick with me and you will get away with whatever you want.” She thinks that this is going to be a place plagued with double standards. The question remains does she play along to get along or does she play by her own rules as she has always done. Only time will tell.
To Be Continued…
She steps off the bus into a new town. It is very late and she is tired from her long journey from the last town she left. She is filled with positive feelings and expectations. Little does she know what is in store for her? She has come here much to her dismay but she decides to give it a chance. She somehow gets an uneasy feeling that this town is the same as the one she left a few years earlier. She checks in at the cheapest motel in town, unpacks, showers, and brushes her teeth and goes to bed with anticipation of the start of her residency here in a new place. She drifts off to sleep telling herself that it will all be okay.
The next morning she rises early, dresses and brushes her teeth and starts getting to know the residents of her new home. She first goes to a local café and has a healthy breakfast. She needs her strength if she is going to make the most of her first day here. She leaves the café, and starts to walk down the street when she meets one of the residents. It is a tall man about mid-forties, blonde hair, and blue eyes with a warm and friendly smile he says to her, “Good Morning my name is Mr. Passive. I will help you anyway I can. Please do not ask me to stand up for myself because the women in this town walk all over me and I let them get away with it. Welcome to OUR town.” She smiles at him, wishes him a good morning, thanks him and continues on her way. She thinks to herself that he may be somebody she would like to get to know a little better.
As she continues on, she runs into a woman. She is young with red hair and beautiful green eyes. She stops and says to her, “Hello, I am Ms. Arrogance. You should be nice to me or I will make or break you. I am the best think since sliced bread. I like things done MY way. I like things all neat and orderly. I know everything there is to know here. I run this town.” She thinks that this woman is obviously a pseudo leader and she will meet the real one soon. As with Mr. Passive, she bids her a good morning and goes about her business. She immediately thinks that this young woman is on a power trip. She can be either your best friend or your worst enemy.
With all the excitement, she is a little weary so she rests for a spell on a park bench when another woman sits down next to her. She looks about her age, brown hair and eyes. The woman says to her, “I am Nosey Parker glad to make your acquaintance.” As soon as she found out the name there was trouble. Nosey Parker continues to say, “Please tell me all about yourself and I will be sure to tell everybody else what you told me because I cannot keep my mouth shut and I am always in other people’s business.” She says these things with a high pitched voice that would drive anybody insane. She smiles at the woman, shakes her hand and says, “Thanks I will be seeing you around.” A red flag goes up after shortly meeting Nosey Parker. She knows all too well not to tell this woman anything that you do not want repeated . This translates don’t’ trust her as far as you can throw her. She is right now running to tell everybody in town that the new one has arrived. However, she wants to give everybody the benefit of the doubt.
After having the exasperating experience with Nosey Parker, she rests a few moments longer. She finally resumes her walk about town until she reaches a quaint internet café. She immediately enters because she smells the aroma of her favorite coffee hazelnut. She buys a cup and sits down at a terminal to check and answer e-mails from the past couple of days. A few moments pass and another woman sits besides her. She has bleached blonde hair and silicon breasts. She is also carrying a handbag decorated with cows. She says to the woman, “Cute bag, I can see you have a cow fetish going on here.” The woman replies back to her with a bit of attitude, “Thank You and yes I do. Let me introduce myself I am Desperate. I come here often to this café to shop for jobs, clothes, husbands and anything else the internet has to offer.” She replies to the woman, “Pleasure to meet you. I hope to be seeing you around town.” She then finishes drinking her coffee, checking her messages and then quietly leaves the café. As she continues walking around town, she thinks WOW! what a fake. She knows however, that you should not always judge a book by its cover.
As she approaches her final destination, her new place of work, she enters through the back door and up the elevator. As she steps off, she sees the cube farm lined up pretty in a row. She now sees Mr. Passive, Ms. Arrogance, Nosey Parker and Desperate congregating together spreading their usual dose of morning cheer. They all see her say hello and smile. She thinks Oh My God what have I gotten myself into? She walks over to them and says, “Hello.” Nosey Parker says to her, “Welcome to the office there is someone who I want you to meet.” A very tall and handsome young man with sandy blonde hair rises from his chair and says, “Hello, I am the Golden Boy. Stick with me and you will get away with whatever you want.” She thinks that this is going to be a place plagued with double standards. The question remains does she play along to get along or does she play by her own rules as she has always done. Only time will tell.
To Be Continued…
Friday, November 18, 2005
It's Official...I am part of the bum squad. Which means I am unemployed!
This is my way of dealing with the “trauma” of being fired. At approximately 3:30 this afternoon, I ended my tumultuous reign as resident troublemaker at the “Corporation State.” I am not sad or angry all I am is humiliated. The following scene is an accurate account of when went down as I received my walking papers. Some of this has been fictionalized and embellished for artistic content.
She is standing there filing when The Almighty summons her to his office. As she walks in, she sees a security guard and thinks that this cannot be good. She is filled with anxiety as she closes the door and sits down. He looks at her and says, “This action plan is not working out so we have decided to terminate.” Dumbfounded but not shocked, she replies, “Okay.” He goes through his rehearsed corporate story and tells her about things such as benefits, unemployment and so on. When he is finished she asks, “Why is security here, I am not going reach over there and strangle you.” She is given forms to sign and her final paycheck then asks him politely to ask the security guard to leave. He says, “No anything you have to say you can say with him here.”
She gets up. She is followed by the guard out of the Almighty’s office. She walks down the hall to the place where she has called home and begins to clean it out. As they ride down the elevator, she realizes that she has left something behind. They ride back up to retrieve the missed item of memorabilia. She turns around to see them all standing there waiting for her exodus; she is now humiliated. In a flash of biting wit she says, “Well, it seems that I have an audience.” She then gracefully bows to the people at her left and then to her right. She then with security in tow, boards the elevator one last time never to return.
I am thinking now that it is for the best. I can take this time and focus on my writing. With unemployment and my 401K I should be okay until tax season starts in January 2006. Here are my final thoughts about this humiliating experience. I cannot believe that senior management would watch me leave. I felt like saying don’t you people have nothing else better to do; but I refrained. I am also perplexed by the fact that people are fearful about what they do not understand and don’t want to understand. If “leadership” acts this way I did not want to follow them anyway. I have always gone against the status quo and not be one of the crowd. I guess that is one of the reasons I am now gainfully unemployed. I will not miss Ms. Nosey Parker and the Compulsive Queen. Therefore, they all can relax and continue their practice of backbiting and double standards. I know come Monday I will be the topic of conversation. They will relentlessly put me down; after a spell I will be yesterday’s news.
So for you at the “Corporation State,” BUSINESS AS USUAL!
She is standing there filing when The Almighty summons her to his office. As she walks in, she sees a security guard and thinks that this cannot be good. She is filled with anxiety as she closes the door and sits down. He looks at her and says, “This action plan is not working out so we have decided to terminate.” Dumbfounded but not shocked, she replies, “Okay.” He goes through his rehearsed corporate story and tells her about things such as benefits, unemployment and so on. When he is finished she asks, “Why is security here, I am not going reach over there and strangle you.” She is given forms to sign and her final paycheck then asks him politely to ask the security guard to leave. He says, “No anything you have to say you can say with him here.”
She gets up. She is followed by the guard out of the Almighty’s office. She walks down the hall to the place where she has called home and begins to clean it out. As they ride down the elevator, she realizes that she has left something behind. They ride back up to retrieve the missed item of memorabilia. She turns around to see them all standing there waiting for her exodus; she is now humiliated. In a flash of biting wit she says, “Well, it seems that I have an audience.” She then gracefully bows to the people at her left and then to her right. She then with security in tow, boards the elevator one last time never to return.
I am thinking now that it is for the best. I can take this time and focus on my writing. With unemployment and my 401K I should be okay until tax season starts in January 2006. Here are my final thoughts about this humiliating experience. I cannot believe that senior management would watch me leave. I felt like saying don’t you people have nothing else better to do; but I refrained. I am also perplexed by the fact that people are fearful about what they do not understand and don’t want to understand. If “leadership” acts this way I did not want to follow them anyway. I have always gone against the status quo and not be one of the crowd. I guess that is one of the reasons I am now gainfully unemployed. I will not miss Ms. Nosey Parker and the Compulsive Queen. Therefore, they all can relax and continue their practice of backbiting and double standards. I know come Monday I will be the topic of conversation. They will relentlessly put me down; after a spell I will be yesterday’s news.
So for you at the “Corporation State,” BUSINESS AS USUAL!
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
A SEASON OF MELANCHOLY
For the past several weeks I have been dealing with a lot of sadness and stress in my life. I have been looking for a new job, dealing with family dysfunction and dealing with crap at my present job. I am often depressed and I am constantly lethargic. When I get this way I write poetry as my release. I have written a new poem that I would like to share with everybody. It is titled Nothing Is Right. Well, here it goes:
Nothing is right; it is all a mess,
Things learned begin to digress.
Nothing is right; I am always sad,
Life has nothing to make me glad.
Nothing is right; I live with fright,
I put gloves on and begin fight.
Nothing is right; I have lost hope,
I go inward to try and cope.
Nothing is right; I cry with all might,
I live in darkness not with the light.
Nothing is right; I am wild eyed,
I go under the covers to hide.
Nothing is right; nobody wants near,
They all run away because of fear.
Nothing is right; like the rain,
Until again, I live with the strain.
It seems when the low points come that is when I do my best work. I have decided that this poem will be a part of the book. I know deep down that things will get better eventually. Right now on the surface the low points seem to be driving me to despair. Next week is Thanksgiving and I will be trying to find out what I am thankful for. Hope everybody is well and keeping busy. Well campers that is it for now.
Nothing is right; it is all a mess,
Things learned begin to digress.
Nothing is right; I am always sad,
Life has nothing to make me glad.
Nothing is right; I live with fright,
I put gloves on and begin fight.
Nothing is right; I have lost hope,
I go inward to try and cope.
Nothing is right; I cry with all might,
I live in darkness not with the light.
Nothing is right; I am wild eyed,
I go under the covers to hide.
Nothing is right; nobody wants near,
They all run away because of fear.
Nothing is right; like the rain,
Until again, I live with the strain.
It seems when the low points come that is when I do my best work. I have decided that this poem will be a part of the book. I know deep down that things will get better eventually. Right now on the surface the low points seem to be driving me to despair. Next week is Thanksgiving and I will be trying to find out what I am thankful for. Hope everybody is well and keeping busy. Well campers that is it for now.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Viva Las Vegas...For Mary Alice
Mary Alice, as promised here are some pics of fabulous Las Vegas. I have also included some pictures of the Hoover Dam as well. If you ever want to come and visit please let me know, I will be your tour guide. Enjoy the Pics.
I applied for a job at the new Wynn resort but I did not get it though. If you ever come here to visit try and get a flight at night. The decent into McCarran is great. It gives you a good view of the strip all lit up. I was blown away when I first came out to visit in 1998.
Monday, November 07, 2005
NOT MUCH TO TELL
I have a little bit of information to share with everybody but not a lot. Today was my second appearance in the Las Vegas traffic court. For one of the offenses "they" say I committed I got a $160 dollar fine and I have to go to traffic school. Good thing about traffic school is that I can do it on-line Yippie! The other so-called offenses I am going to fight those because I think they are crap. The only thing I liked about the whole experience is that the judge was pretty cool. He had a good sense of humor, that is one thing that I like to see in people.
I have also been having computer problems again so I went to COMPUSA here in town and a nice man by the name of Troy helped me out. His advice saved me a lot of money. I also found out that he is the IC manager there at the store (IC is short for Inventory Control, it's an accounting term) and he is an aspiring writer. He does not like what he is doing just like I am. I am glad to find out that I am not the only one out there who is frustrated and trying to do something that they love to do. I recently commented on Austen's blog that he is never alone in his struggles and today I found out that it applied to me as well. I hope Troy and I can become friends and we can bounce creative ideas off each other.
About the book, I am having a little case of writer's block, but I am confident that this too shall pass. In the meantime, I have printed and bound what I have already have and it is coming together quite nicely. I am currently struggling on a essay I want to include but I am lacking direction at this point. Maybe if I do some research and think a little it might hit me. I have also posted some of my other poems on poetry.com. If you have a few minutes, please check them out. Just enter Coppla, Marie and my list should be there. There are two under Marie A. Coppla that's me as well. Well campers that is it for now. Please feel free to comment on the blog if you read the stuff on poetry.com. Please take care everybody.
I have also been having computer problems again so I went to COMPUSA here in town and a nice man by the name of Troy helped me out. His advice saved me a lot of money. I also found out that he is the IC manager there at the store (IC is short for Inventory Control, it's an accounting term) and he is an aspiring writer. He does not like what he is doing just like I am. I am glad to find out that I am not the only one out there who is frustrated and trying to do something that they love to do. I recently commented on Austen's blog that he is never alone in his struggles and today I found out that it applied to me as well. I hope Troy and I can become friends and we can bounce creative ideas off each other.
About the book, I am having a little case of writer's block, but I am confident that this too shall pass. In the meantime, I have printed and bound what I have already have and it is coming together quite nicely. I am currently struggling on a essay I want to include but I am lacking direction at this point. Maybe if I do some research and think a little it might hit me. I have also posted some of my other poems on poetry.com. If you have a few minutes, please check them out. Just enter Coppla, Marie and my list should be there. There are two under Marie A. Coppla that's me as well. Well campers that is it for now. Please feel free to comment on the blog if you read the stuff on poetry.com. Please take care everybody.
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