New Source Of Anxiety...Teaching!!

This evening I attended the first training session for new instructors. I felt sick to my stomach to the point of extreme nausea. I have not felt that kind of anxiety since my senior year in college. In that case I did hurl before taking a major exam. I was having a bi-polar moment, my thoughts were racing telling myself I can't do this, I am not competent to do this, My students will laugh at me so on and so on. My attention was diverted from the person teaching the class to my negative racing thoughts. After an hour of this, I eventually snapped out of it and tried to pay attention.

I have a history of severe anxiety. I usually avoid certain situations for fear of the unknown. During my adolescence, I locked myself in my room to survive abuse and social persecution. As an adult it was downright scary for me to go out into a social situation and be asked to interact with other people. This with time and therapy has gotten much better for me.

Onto the positive side of things. This experience will get me out of my comfort zone and build confidence. Long ago, when I started my healing journey, one of the goals I had was to do things that I felt uncomfortable doing. I am currently suffering from a bout of depression. I hope I can write and teach (with medication thrown in for good measure) my way out of this latest bout of depression and try to get stable once again.