I Can See Clearly Now...But The Rain Is Still Here

Looking back on some of my previous posts coupled with my current behavior I can clearly see now that I have shifted into a state of depression. The triggers you may wonder are this family bullshit that I have been forced to deal with and the fact I am still living with my parents and starting a brand new job. In regards to the new job, I am struggling with the fact that I am punching a timeclock again as opposed to being on salary. It is a difficult adjustment to make. I am trying so hard to put this family crap behind me and "see past you to the white sands" but it is difficult when I am being constantly being blamed for things that are NOT my fault. Grow the fuck up assholes and take some responsibility for your actions!!! My mother keeps telling me to forget about it and move on. I am an intense individual and I feel things diffrently than others and I sometimes get really freaked out.

The results are clear to me. I have been sleeping more and more lately. I have seen changes in my eating habits which have caused me to gain some weight. I have not taken care of myself (personal hygiene). I know the hygiene part sounds really gross but that is what depression does; you stop caring about yourself because you think things will never get better. I go out of the house only to go to work and then I come home and play with my cat or sit on the computer and play games or blog. I am smoking a little more which I KNOW is not a good thing! It seems that I am less and less social these days which is also not a good thing. I am an extrovert by nature more so when I have had a few. So now I know without a doubt that I am experiencing a bout of depression. I just thought I was being more lazy than usual.

Even though I know this shall pass (how long this depression will last I don't know). I still feel a little hopeless. The only real thing I have to look forward to is my impending move back to Vegas in about 2 weeks. I hate this crap! It is not my intention to whine or create drama (remember no drama here). I am trying to understand why I feel the way I feel.