8 Pounds And Counting!

This is really freaking me out my friends. This goal is almost realized. When I last weighed I was 132. Today it is 128! 8 little pounds to go. It is now time for me to focus on firming and toning. I actually accomplished this goal. What a wonderful feeling this is! I see what I will look like firmed and tone and tan and it is going to look good!



With this said, I am working on a new poem detailing the internal/external changes I have made over the past year. I have the basic premis down but I am working on the details. The direction I want to take with this is more positive than some of my earlier work. The poem is titled "To Get To You". When it is finished, I will post it here.



Now on to other crap. I have been finding myself drinking a lot of beer lately. I guess I am under a little bit of stress than usual, and it is freaking me out just a little bit. But I hear myself and someone else say, "baby let it go and get to me." I guess this week I come home from "the job" and grab a Bud put my headphones on and tune the world out. The things going on in my head are really intense. I guess instead of drinking I should be writing them out. There are things going on in my head that I am not ready to share with anybody!



I have a very rich fulfilling fantasy life. Sometimes these thoughts of fantasy and future consume me that it is necessary for me at times to work themselves out in the company of my music and Budweiser! I know at some point I will have to let it go and get back to the business of reality. I realize however, that I am the only one who can change my reality. I wish he was here to say, "Please come back to the world I live in." I started a short story called "Through The Looking Glass." Please read and enjoy, I have written the beginning and the end. So please feel free to comment and critique.



Through The Looking Glass

She is getting ready to face another day in her routine life. She walks slowly down the hall until she sees the looking glass. She is standing there looking at her pretty woman face. She is wondering where she is and why she is here at this place. She asks “Who am I? How did I get here? Is there something better waiting out there for me?” As she stands there and ponders these questions, a hand reaches from the looking glass and a voice says, “Come, it is all right you have nothing to fear.” With eyes like a child’s, she takes the hand and steps into the looking glass not knowing what is ahead. Is she ready to see might what be revealed? Is she ready for her questions to maybe finally be answered?

Now she is behind the looking glass. She sees a tunnel; she is wondering what she has gotten herself into! Suddenly, she hears a voice say, “If you do not go you will never know”. With fear and hesitation she walks slowly down the tunnel until she reaches a small green house. It is wintertime; she sees children playing in the fresh white snow. Their faces are filled with laughter and joy. How she wishes back to that time; a time of childhood laughter and innocence. It seems now that she has forgotten that time in her life; or has she? Has she become so jaded over the course of time that she chose to forget? Has she truly forgotten or chose not to remember?


Once she leaves the green house she continues on down the tunnel; it suddenly becomes dark. She finds a child crying, “Help me.” She approaches the child, picks her up cradles her in her arms and says, “Please don’t cry, I will protect you and love you.” With the child in her arms she continues until she reaches another small house this time it is yellow. As she did in the green house, she enters. Another wave of fear suddenly overtakes her. They slowly go up the stairs. For some reason she feels compelled to go up the stairs because there is something there she must see. Once up the stairs she sees a glass door; she tries to enter but the door is locked from the inside. A voice says, “You can walk right through.” She walks through to find the room is a little dark. She sees a vision of a child sleeping peacefully and dark shadow looming over the bed. She and the child are scared and shout in unison, “no don’t.”












So far, this journey behind the looking glass has yielded nothing but blackness. The child is gone and she stands alone in the dark tunnel. She cries out, “Is there any light here? Am I only surrounded by darkness? When will it ever end?” She continues to walk through the tunnel, her eyes are strained as she tries to see what is ahead. She now sees a small ray of light. As she anxiously approaches, she sees the King of Hearts. He holds out his hand to her and says, “Come, it is all right you have nothing to fear. Your old journey is almost done; let me show you another life.” She cannot see his face nor does she know his name. Without hesitation she slowly walks to him. He then takes her hand and leads her into the light.

To Be Continued…

Another Milestone!

Well friends, I have reached another milestone in my life-turning 40! It is not all that bad. Actually I am kind glad to reach this point in my life.

I have reached some goals in this past year that fill me with accomplishment.

First-My weight loss goals. As some of my readers know, I set out to lose 50 pounds before my 40th birthday comes around. Well, goal accomplished! My current weight is 135. I started at 185. I have more energy and confidence and I look good! One of my friends is getting married at the end of September so I will look even better in my bridesmaid 's dress. I have changed my eating habits drastically! I lay off sweets and other problem foods. However I do indulge every now and again. I will however NOT give up beer!!!!!

Second-My book. As you know I spent several days revising and republishing my poetry book. I should start seeing it on on-line bookstores in September. There is still the matter of gathering the funds to market and promote the book. If anyone has and suggestions please let me know. Since I am now working, I am hoping to do some marketing. I first have to get caught up on my bills though! What a drag!!!

I do however have some goals in the near future. I want to lose the remaining 15 pounds by the end of the year! I know I can accomplish this. I also want to try and quit smoking. I can't lose weight and quit smoking all at once. I will drive myself and my roommates crazy in the process.

I am currently working on a second book of poetry. I hope to have this one finished sometime in 2009. I would like to take some writing classes (after I catch up on bills) and do some marketing on the existing book.

I will have to go to work and make money. I plan to treat myself to a nice dinner with some friends. One of my roommates is going to bake a cake. Yum Yum! It is my birthday after all so I can indulge a little bit!

PS-Matt, you can erase the fantasy of me moving back to Mass. It isin't going to happen!

Update

Well I know it has been a while since I have last posted. Here is what is going on. On July 4Th the compressor for our AC blew out. Since then we have had no AC in the house. So you are wondering why I have not written in a while, it has been too hot to do anything!!! Everybody (including my pets) have been trying to stay cool. I think everybody who lives in my house has sweat off at least two pounds. I have been drinking LOTS of water and running the fans. Imagine the desert in July with NO AC!! It truly sucks ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! From what I was told the repair man is coming tomorrow. Why wait so long, we all have been experiencing cash flow problems but it is getting better.

Good news on the job front. Last week I started a new temp/perm position. It will be temp for a couple of months so the agency can make its money. It is a AP position for a resort management company. I am responsible for entering all invoices for 5 properties. They are happy with my work so far. I am confident that I will be hired on sometime during the fall.

I hope everybody is doing well and staying cool, which is more than I can say for me!!!

It's A Done Deal!!!

Well friends the final draft of the book is revised, edited and approved by me! The book has an ISBN number and will be available to online book stores in about 2 months. You can also do a Google search as well. I have not changed the title or the cover! You can go to the website to see a preview of the changes.

I labored tirelessly over the last four days to get this ready. Adding content, changing page formats, fonts ect. I am truly proud of this work and it gives me a great sense of accomplishment!

The next step is marketing and promotion!


I am also working on a second collection of poems. I hope to have this book finished sometime in 2009.

Getting A Face Lift

Ha Ha made you look! The face lift is not literal but figurative. I am hardly a candidate for a face lift yet!

A friend of mine wants to make an investment to get my book into circulation, so I am making some changes to the book to make it look more professional and to obtain an ISBN number.

For those of you who have already have a copy, it is 8.5x11, I am changing it to 6.9 (the size of a small paperback). This will hopefully increase the number of pages. I am also adding some things that I omitted when I first published the book. I have included a title and copy write page, table of contents and a bibliography. I also have to include blank pages because the number of pages have to be divisible by 50. I am keeping the title and the book cover the same. So with these changes, the book will be eligible for me to obtain an ISBN number. Now onto other things.

The weight loss is in the home stretch. I have about 15 more pounds to lose before I reach my goal weight. My legs and butt are defined due to all of the exercise I have been doing. When I was younger, I was ALWAYS teased by others that I had "chicken legs" and my mother in having no ass. No wonder I developed a poor body image. What the fuck!!!!!! The only thing I REALLY have to concentrate on is my hips and stomach. I did a little research and I found out that I have a pear shaped body (which is common amongst Italian women). All excess weight is distributed to the hips and stomach. What a drag!!! I am now wearing clothes that are 4 sizes too big. This reminds me how far I have come. Since July of last year I went from a size 18/20 to a better size 10/12. What an accomplishment that is!!!!

The Result of Bad Choices Part 1

It is 3am and I am still awake. As I was lying in my bed desperately trying to sleep, the same question kept popping up: why am I still in the same place? Then it occurred to me : maybe it is because I have made some bad choices.

I guess it started many years ago when I made my career choice. I was so desperate for my father's attention and approval that I would do anything to please him. When I was growing up, my father paid a lot of attention to one of my cousins. This attention made me furious because I felt (and still do) that his attention should have been focused more on me and my brother. This cousin chose to pursue a business degree. So I figured when I decided to back to college a business degree was the way to go.

I had problems from the start. I had to take some time off due to a car accident. After the recovery, I had to find a job to catch up on bills and start saving to go back. I had trouble getting back into the swing of college life and my grades showed it. I took classes like calculus and statistics. Judging from the grades I received and statements made by my instructors it seemed to me that I had made the wrong choice. I was stubborn and decided to press on. Many years and several dead end jobs later, I finally realized that they were right. It did not help matters much that I had low concentration and battling depression due to issues that were coming to the surface. I will deal with those in another post on my other blog.

I barely got by and graduated. I mentioned I have had several dead end jobs since graduating college. Now I understand why they were dead end: I did not (and still don't) love what I was doing. Now let's move on to present circumstances.

I find myself broke and have no full time job. Between my part time position at H&R Block and unemployment it is not enough to meet ALL of my monthly expenses. If some of you remember I had a job at a local casino but was terminated due to the fact the the fat cats did not want to pay the finder's fee to the agency. After that I chose NOT to work in the gaming industry ever again and not to get ahead in business. It is so cuthroat and dishonest and I just don't want to put up with all of that bullshit!

This post is not to solicit sympathy. I alone realize I got myself into this and take responsibility for the bad choices I have made. I feel like I am stuck in a profession that does not work for me anymore (not that it ever did). I feel like I am trapped with no way out.

Recent Pics

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Here are a couple of recent pics taken of me at the H&R Block luncheon I attended yesterday. They are not the best but they are current.