Sunday, August 31, 2008

8 Pounds And Counting!

This is really freaking me out my friends. This goal is almost realized. When I last weighed I was 132. Today it is 128! 8 little pounds to go. It is now time for me to focus on firming and toning. I actually accomplished this goal. What a wonderful feeling this is! I see what I will look like firmed and tone and tan and it is going to look good!

With this said, I am working on a new poem detailing the internal/external changes I have made over the past year. I have the basic premis down but I am working on the details. The direction I want to take with this is more positive than some of my earlier work. The poem is titled "To Get To You". When it is finished, I will post it here.

Now on to other crap. I have been finding myself drinking a lot of beer lately. I guess I am under a little bit of stress than usual, and it is freaking me out just a little bit. But I hear myself and someone else say, "baby let it go and get to me." I guess this week I come home from "the job" and grab a Bud put my headphones on and tune the world out. The things going on in my head are really intense. I guess instead of drinking I should be writing them out. There are things going on in my head that I am not ready to share with anybody!

I have a very rich fulfilling fantasy life. Sometimes these thoughts of fantasy and future consume me that it is necessary for me at times to work themselves out in the company of my music and Budweiser! I know at some point I will have to let it go and get back to the business of reality. I realize however, that I am the only one who can change my reality. I wish he was here to say, "Please come back to the world I live in." I started a short story called "Through The Looking Glass." Please read and enjoy, I have written the beginning and the end. So please feel free to comment and critique.

Through The Looking Glass

She is getting ready to face another day in her routine life. She walks slowly down the hall until she sees the looking glass. She is standing there looking at her pretty woman face. She is wondering where she is and why she is here at this place. She asks “Who am I? How did I get here? Is there something better waiting out there for me?” As she stands there and ponders these questions, a hand reaches from the looking glass and a voice says, “Come, it is all right you have nothing to fear.” With eyes like a child’s, she takes the hand and steps into the looking glass not knowing what is ahead. Is she ready to see might what be revealed? Is she ready for her questions to maybe finally be answered?

Now she is behind the looking glass. She sees a tunnel; she is wondering what she has gotten herself into! Suddenly, she hears a voice say, “If you do not go you will never know”. With fear and hesitation she walks slowly down the tunnel until she reaches a small green house. It is wintertime; she sees children playing in the fresh white snow. Their faces are filled with laughter and joy. How she wishes back to that time; a time of childhood laughter and innocence. It seems now that she has forgotten that time in her life; or has she? Has she become so jaded over the course of time that she chose to forget? Has she truly forgotten or chose not to remember?

Once she leaves the green house she continues on down the tunnel; it suddenly becomes dark. She finds a child crying, “Help me.” She approaches the child, picks her up cradles her in her arms and says, “Please don’t cry, I will protect you and love you.” With the child in her arms she continues until she reaches another small house this time it is yellow. As she did in the green house, she enters. Another wave of fear suddenly overtakes her. They slowly go up the stairs. For some reason she feels compelled to go up the stairs because there is something there she must see. Once up the stairs she sees a glass door; she tries to enter but the door is locked from the inside. A voice says, “You can walk right through.” She walks through to find the room is a little dark. She sees a vision of a child sleeping peacefully and dark shadow looming over the bed. She and the child are scared and shout in unison, “no don’t.”

So far, this journey behind the looking glass has yielded nothing but blackness. The child is gone and she stands alone in the dark tunnel. She cries out, “Is there any light here? Am I only surrounded by darkness? When will it ever end?” She continues to walk through the tunnel, her eyes are strained as she tries to see what is ahead. She now sees a small ray of light. As she anxiously approaches, she sees the King of Hearts. He holds out his hand to her and says, “Come, it is all right you have nothing to fear. Your old journey is almost done; let me show you another life.” She cannot see his face nor does she know his name. Without hesitation she slowly walks to him. He then takes her hand and leads her into the light.

To Be Continued…

Monday, August 18, 2008

Another Milestone!

Well friends, I have reached another milestone in my life-turning 40! It is not all that bad. Actually I am kind glad to reach this point in my life.

I have reached some goals in this past year that fill me with accomplishment.

First-My weight loss goals. As some of my readers know, I set out to lose 50 pounds before my 40th birthday comes around. Well, goal accomplished! My current weight is 135. I started at 185. I have more energy and confidence and I look good! One of my friends is getting married at the end of September so I will look even better in my bridesmaid 's dress. I have changed my eating habits drastically! I lay off sweets and other problem foods. However I do indulge every now and again. I will however NOT give up beer!!!!!

Second-My book. As you know I spent several days revising and republishing my poetry book. I should start seeing it on on-line bookstores in September. There is still the matter of gathering the funds to market and promote the book. If anyone has and suggestions please let me know. Since I am now working, I am hoping to do some marketing. I first have to get caught up on my bills though! What a drag!!!

I do however have some goals in the near future. I want to lose the remaining 15 pounds by the end of the year! I know I can accomplish this. I also want to try and quit smoking. I can't lose weight and quit smoking all at once. I will drive myself and my roommates crazy in the process.

I am currently working on a second book of poetry. I hope to have this one finished sometime in 2009. I would like to take some writing classes (after I catch up on bills) and do some marketing on the existing book.

I will have to go to work and make money. I plan to treat myself to a nice dinner with some friends. One of my roommates is going to bake a cake. Yum Yum! It is my birthday after all so I can indulge a little bit!

PS-Matt, you can erase the fantasy of me moving back to Mass. It isin't going to happen!