Saturday, December 31, 2005


Has anybody seen this girl? She is 5ft1 about 120 pounds has blonde highlighted hair and has a killer smile. Beware she is armed and dangerous with Depakote and Zoloft and she will try to kick your butt if she is confronted. She and her family miss her and want her back. There will be a $1M reward for her return to self. Below is a list of other missing items along with her physical body due to armed and dangerous.

Off Meds-Eats Healthy / On-New diet the new see food diet

Off Meds-Functions Barely / On-Does not want to do SHIT!!

Off Meds-Has intense desire to write/ On-has not picked up pen and paper

Off/On-Still has no desire to go out; only when forced to.

Off Meds-No sense of self/On- still none but coping with it

Off Meds-Intense sex drive and extra lubrication/On-none and dry as a bone

Off Meds- Loud,Agressive and Abrasive and will flip you off/On- tame as cat

Off Meds-Mean and Rude full of fire and anger/On- PC

I sincerely hope that my true self is not gone forever. It seems I am my nasty self unmedicated. I miss the loud, agressive and implusive girl I used to be before medication. I miss this missing person and I wish for her safe return.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Collages and Flying Saucers

Hope everybody had a wonderful Christmas. Here is a picture of me chuggin a brewsky. Yum Yum! I look like a dork with the glasses. I am hoping that in the New Year I will have money to buy contacts again. Christmas was wonderful. I had a great time.

Christmas Eve we went to my brother's so we could open gifts. Cody and Joshua both got these remote control flying saucers. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen. They charged the batteries and they flew them all over the house. Lynette and I laughed hysterically.

The best gifts were colllages of the kids Lynette made. Mom and I both got a diffrent one. I have been having problems uploading these pictures when I fix the problem I will post the pics. There was one of just Brittany (rest in peace, we miss you) that was on the living room wall. For me these are the best kind of gifts; creative and home made.

Christmas day was very relaxed indeed. Woke up at 11:30 had coffee and opened presents. I got a nice pair of diamond earings from mom and a printer/scanner from dad. Later we went back to my brother's. Mom, Lynette and I just sat around kickin it while the guys watched football. Dinner was great with chocolate silk pie for desert. Yum Yum!! With 4 glasses of wine. I did not get sick with the Depakote. I am starting to feel a little change in my weight Crap!

Well, that was my holiday. I hope everybody had a wonderful day!!

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Thursday, December 22, 2005

Taking The Bad With The Good

Today was a pretty good day. Had another training session for my temp job and I am pleased to say that it went very well. Mom called and invited me to dinner. She made one of my favorites; roasted chicken Yum Yum! She made her home made stuffing and roasted potatoes More Yum! It seemed like old times. I can't remember the last time I had a REAL home cooked meal. It was all delicious. After dinner, mom and I cleaned up and then we watched some TV.

Heard from my insurance company today about the car, it is a total loss. I am freaking out about what I am going to do after I pay off the leinholder; I have a feeling that I will have a deficit and I will have to pay off the difference Fuck!

On another sour note, once again one of my former readers is making me trip. This person contends that they CANNOT and WILL NOT deal or associate with someone who has aggressive emotional disturbances. I was like they have not known me while off meds(there is aggressive) and that they should get off their high horses. I hold no ill will or hatred towards this person although this person contends that I do. Oh well opinions vary. They do not realize that I am mentally ill; nor do I think they really care; their minds are made up and there is nothing I can do to change that.

I am really thankful that I have my blog friends who ACCEPT my illness and who support me. I am doing everything in my power to treat it; although I am not 100% sure what the full diagnosis is yet. Stay tuned.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Feeling Better

Since Thursday's trauma, I have been feeling stiff and sore. I am glad to report today that I am feeling much better. My boobs still look like plums. I know TMI; do you think I give a shit?

I felt good enough to post my complete story The First Time on Miz E's La Femme Erotique and walk to the store for milk and Diet Pepsi. If you want to read the whole story the address is:

Shannin, read Blither's blog and it looks like you two had a kick ass weekend. Cool. Since I have no wheels I am house bound for a few days. Ah shit, who am I kidding, I go out only when I HAVE to.

Well, that's my ramble for today!

Friday, December 16, 2005

The poet laureate...NOT!


It seems that I cannot write lately. I have not written a poem since I have been on medications; this worries me. Has the creative part of my brain taken a nap? I don't know. I was working on a book now I am not sure if it will ever be finished.. It seems I cannot complete a complete thoght. Weird and crazy shit people. I am however going to share with you all apoem I wrote pre-medication called Behind The Smile. The picture I included was taken when I was late in my teens. I hope everybody enjoys the pic and the poem.

Behind the smile is denial
Caused by unspoken trial
Behind the smile pain hidden
Caused by betrayl and quiet driven
Behnind the smile is a mask
Removing it has been the hardest task
Behind the smile no one found out
Her soul now begins to live in doubt
Behind the smile it is fake
Her life is what's at stake
Behind the smile the heart now heals
Forgiveness and love for self it now feels

I hope you have all enjoy it. Soon I will create another blog dedicated to my poetry and my book. Now, this sleeping pill is starting to kick in so goodnight everybody. Take care Posted by Picasa

Thursday, December 15, 2005

The day from HELL!

I went to the clinic today to be evaluated. The man who evaluated me said he thinks I am not bi-polar. So, I have one doctor telling me I am and another telling me I am not. Can we please make up our minds? I am so aggravated and frustrated that I could kill someone. I think I need to get a third opinion. Ya think? I guess the reason for the no bi-polar is that I cannot clearly remember being in a state of "euphoria." Is that the ONLY red flag? From the research I have done, I think not. I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride and I cannot get off. Shannin, I will be calling you soon. I need someone to talk to about this. To anyone who does not believe I am ill or thinks I need to grow up, don't read this post. Because I will tell you to fuck off!

On the way home from the clinic, I was making a left hand turn and I got hit by two cars. The passenger side of my care is a mess and is totaled. Now I have no car to get to my training sessions and my new temporary job which starts in January. I bruised my right leg and hip and there are big bruises on my boobs. Ouch! The only positive thing I can say was that nobody was taken to the hospital. While the cop was writing the accident report, I got hit on by a guy on the street. He said that I was too beautiful to be single. I was like, leave me alone I am really not in the mood for cheesy pick up lines right now.

Well, that is it campers. I hope everybody had a better day than I did.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Things that piss me off!

As promised my shit list. This list is being compiled during day 4 of the insomnia marathon.  It was also compiled while watching reruns of Fresh Prince and cooking shows on Food Network and under the influence of Zoloft and Depakote. These are ramblings of a bi-polar socially dysfunctional mind.  A.K.A-Bitch, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

George W. Bush/Republicans-Need I say more!

Close minded people-Get your head out of your ass and join the 21st century!  Stop living in denial!

Bill Collectors-Take your “company policy” and stick it up your ass!  We are doing the best we can asswipes; as soon as we get our money you will get yours!

People who lay off others during the holidays-Have you had your caring bone surgically removed!  I think so.  Fuckers!

People who drive while holding their cell phones-Please use an earpiece.

Arrogance-Here is a reality break, yes your shit DOES stink!

Bible Beaters-These people are the biggest hypocrites of all.  You all are hiding something and you don’t live in the real world.  Take your high standards, callous rules, and judgments of others and stick them up you ass!  According to your “beliefs” God will judge us all so shut the fuck up!

People who cannot think for themselves-Please do not be lead, form YOUR own opinions and judgments.

Organized Religion-Used as a crutch by people who do not believe in themselves.  Is for people who are afraid to go to hell.  I will clue you in some of us have already been there!

Nosey People-Take care of your own business and get the fuck out of everybody else’s.  Does the word privacy mean anything to you? Apparently not.

Fake People-Please keep it real no matter what the cost! Tell us how you really feel.  Stop living in fear and hiding behind “professionalism.”

The status quo-What, are you assholes afraid of change?  Here’s a change for you, after 37 years, I finally know and accept what is wrong with me.  So, bite me!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Today and Tomorrow

Well, I had a very interesting day. I taught new tax advisors how to use the new computer system. I also had to lecture. This was a new experience for me; I was loaded with fear and anxiety because I did not what the fuck I was doing. I felt like throwing up, throwing my hands up and walking out. I felt like saying that you all are dealing with a crazy person.

I still have bill collectors up my ass! The same creditor has called me two days in a row. Is that harassment? I am not sure. She had the nerve to ask me can I borrow some money from friends or family. I wanted to say to her bitch are you on crack? Nobody has money right around the holidays get real!

Tomorrow I have to go to the mental health clinic and get some more meds. I am prepared to be there for most of the day. I hope they can help me. I will at some point have to apply for Medicaid since I have no insurance. I love dealing with the system; but if they can help so be it!

That's it!

Can't Sleep

It is 2am and I can't sleep. This is the third night in a row. Shit! I was watching the news this evening and I found some things that disturbed me.

I have been following a story about a woman who put white carpet in her yard so that her blind dog Juice could go in and out. The dog is really cute. What bothered me that her NOSEY neighbors complained to the home owner's association and she had to pay a fine. I just am wondering who looks in other people's yards? Have they heard about a thing called privacy; mind your own god dam business. The story ended that someone installed fake grass free of charge.

Second, the Lady Luck casino here in downtown Vegas has laid off several workers while they renovate. Management claims that it was a "business decision." What the fuck? Are these people on crack or what? My thoughts go out to the people and their families. As a many of us know, it sucks major ass getting laid off during the holiday season.

Well, this is my social injustice rant for today.

Friday, December 09, 2005

A Change of Pace

I need to not think about my bi-polar status for a bit and focus my talents on my stories and poems. I will say that my recent diagnosis will change the course of the book I am writing. I stopped doing research on bi-polar for today and decided to change the pace and mood a little bit.

This is an excerpt from a story I wrote a while ago. It is based on a erotic fantasy I have been having lately. I cannot publish the entire story due to it's pornographic nature. Sorry all you horny guys and gals out there. I hope this will put everybody including me in a better mood, I hope.

The First Time

She is sitting there with what seems to be her twelfth beer of the night. She clearly lost track after number four. She is making idle chit chat with others at the party when she sees him standing there in front of her. She smiles as he slowly sits on her lap. He takes her small face in his big hands and starts to kiss her. His kiss is warm, wet and passionate. As he continues to kiss her, her body begins to respond to his kiss like she never thought it would. He stops, and whispers softly in her ear that he wants to love her then gets up and quietly and leaves.

She is sitting there afterward shocked and dumbfounded. They had been the best of friends, working partners and creative soul mates. Every now and then she has fantasies of what it would be like to make love with him. She has dreams of those big soft hands touching her body and those beautiful blue eyes looking down at her; now her fantasy may become a reality it scares the hell out of her. She knew in her heart that up to this point that their relationship could only be platonic. She is not the kind of woman he would go for at all. He has always told her what is ideal woman should be, 5ft7, blonde with a slamming body. She is nothing like that; she is 5ft1, dark hair and her body fit but not slamming, this is what shocks her about what just happened a few moments ago.

As the night goes on, she is mingling with other party goers when she feels light headed. She excuses herself and heads out to the patio. He sees her go outside and decides to follow her. Once outside they both hear the patio door shut and lock.

"Someone wants us to be alone," she says. He smiles at her and says, " I think you are right."

They stand there for a few minutes and she says, "We should talk about what happened." He replies, "What's to talk about?" "A lot," she says. "You walk up to me, kiss me and tell me you want to make love to me, what the hell is that all about?" He replies, "I was dared. Please believe me when I tell you that the feelings are real." I never knew you felt this way," she says back. " How could you have known, you are so self-absorbed and wrapped up in your work that you can't see anything or anybody around you."

She is thinking he is right; she is totally preoccupied with work because up to now that is all she has.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

The day after

I spent today working on the acceptance phase of my illness. As I said yesterday this journey is FAR from over. Did not make it to the clinic today because I did not get up until 2:30 this afternoon. Holy Shit!

I did manage to drag my lazy ass out of bed, curl my hair and brush my teeth. Yippie! I also called Shannin. It was so good to finally talk with her. She shared with me what to expect on my medication and her experiences with my current pill cocktail. She is a great source of support and she lives here in Vegas so we can meet at some point in the future. Shannin, you rock girl!

I want to thank everybody for your support. It means more to me than you will ever know. I find it somewhat ironic that my support system is from people whom I never met and not my family. Oh well, life goes on. Everybody please take care!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

I am more messed up than I thought!

Went to the pdoc today and it was very interesting. I told him my history of emotional outbursts, chronic depression mixed with periods of "happiness," floating from job to job and he thinks I may have bi-polar. In addition to the Zoloft he prescribed Depakote to stabilize my mood. I got a month's supply of both meds. I am hopeful that he will give me a more accurate diagnosis. I have also thought I could be manic depressive. I am wondering what is the difference? This journey for me is far from over. Christ, how much more can I take? I need to find out EXACTLY what the fuck is wrong with me so I can get effective treatment and maybe just maybe have a shot at a life. I am so tired of living like this!

I am going tomorrow to the state mental health clinic on West Charleston to see if I qualify for mental health services without insurance. From what I read they provide services based on income so my out of pocket expenses would be minimized. I am also seriously considering applying for SS disability. I would like to wait until I have a clear accurate diagnosis before I pursue that option; but who knows how I will feel tomorrow. I just might wake up tomorrow and say fuck it I have had enough of this crap!

I want so much to feel better. It just seems hopeless at the moment. I am tired of being ill. As I have said before, I did not ask for this shit, I am just playing the hand I was dealt which SUCKS! I hope the Depakote will help me feel better. At this point, I am very doubtful. Only time will tell.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Religion vs Spirituality

My friend Melissa sent me this recent column from The Boston Globe. The gist of the column is this:

Religion is for people who are afraid to go to hell.

Spirituality is for people who have already been there.

I loved this so much that I wanted to share this with all my blog friends. I have been asking myself lately is there a difference between religion and spirituality. It looks like I got my answer. I think all of us who suffer from mental illness have been to hell and back again with no relief in sight. I have a real hard time with this concept of "religion." Organized religion for me personally is a bunch of bullshit. If it helps the masses get through life great! It just does not work for me. It is filled with dos and donts, callous rules and standards et cetera.

Spirituality on the other hand is a zest for life. It is a feeling of connection and being a part of the life around you. I have not achieved this yet. I don't know if I ever will.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Dear Santa

It has been a long time since I have written to you. I am grown up now (not really). My heart and brain have not grown up but my body has. When I was a little girl, I wrote to you every year listing everything I wanted you to bring me for Christmas: dolls, toys, games and my two front teeth. This year the list is not so simple it is very complicated.

*Please bring Shannin, Sid and Sans peace of mind, joy, comfort and happiness. They are hurting so much. I want them to be happy. Please cure them of their illness. Even though I have never met them, please let them know I care.

*Please cure all of us of our mental illness. Other people have no idea of what we live with every day of our lives. If you can't cure it, I will understand. If you could please lower the cost of our medications that would help.

*Please bring my family together. We had a death this year and this has torn us apart. I am sad that we are not close and functioning. Please help us heal.

*Please bring me belief in myself and the will to continue writing. I want to be successful at it. It makes me happy and I love to do it. Please bring me someone to love because I have been so lonely. Please bring me a new job. I need to pay the bills. Please help me to heal my broken heart because I need to live.

Santa, if you look into your crystal ball you will see that I am a good girl. It is my disease that makes me do and say not so good things. I will leave cookies and milk for you on Christmas eve. If they are gone in the morning, I will know you were here and that I got everything I wanted this year. If they are still there, I will have to wait another year.


Please make it stop!

I am so tired I want to break down and cry. It seems I am headed for a nervous breakdown. I am so depressed I don't know what to do. Is it really worth it?

Being unemployed and broke around the holidays is really making me trip. I have bill collectors up my ass all the time. I am trying to make them understand: look I am unemployed when I get back on my feet I will start paying you again so shut up and leave me alone! I guess they really don't give a shit they have to abide by "company policy." Bite me! I guess reality truly sucks.

I will have to go off my medication soon because I have no money to pay full price for my meds. The little money I do have has to go for food, telephone and electric. The money I got from my 401K has to last me a whole month. Ugh! I have to wait three weeks for a telephone interview to determine my eligibility for unemployment. I have the feeling that I will be denied since I was terminated then what am I going to do? I am not making a ounce of sense I know!

I guess the only thing I have to hold onto is writing. I am glad that my poetry is going to be published but it is the here and now that I am trying to cope with.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Back into the trenches of hell...AGAIN

This has been a very interesting week. Yesterday I had a interview with the district managers at the place I will be working come January and they offered me a position as a office manager. At first I was a little taken back because I really do not have any supervisory experience. During the course of the interview I was thinking to myself are they for real? Well, in my infinite wisdom I accepted the position. Afterwards, I said to myself what the hell was I thinking? They obviously see something in me and they believe in me. I guess people believe in me even if I don't believe in myself. I am beginning to think that this may be part of my problem. I don't know dick about making schedules, motivating others ect. Well, I guess I am going to learn eh? I am paralyzed by fear, anxiety and self-doubt things that have ruled my entire life. Since I have a multitude of social dysfunctions I am so afraid that I will not know how to handle certain situations. I guess it is going to be a challenge. Am I up for it though? This is the question that has been replaying in my mentally defective brain. Only time will tell.

In other news, I finished putting up my Christmas tree today. It looks pretty good. I am having a lot of lower back pain today. It hurts like a bitch! I have not had this kind of wrenching pain since before I had started losing my "excess baggage" over a year ago. Well, this defective is done rambling for one evening. I am going to go and work on part two of my story. I will try to have it posted by the end of the weekend. Everybody take care. Do a lot of drinking this weekend I'm going to. That's all folks

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Fuck...I am going to be published!

     Finally, some good shit is happening.  I am going to have a half-dozen of my poems published in a book due out in Winter 2006.  One of the poems, “Her Angel” is entered in an amateur poetry contest.  The book and the contest are sponsored by the International Library of Poetry a.k.a.       There are so many thoughts racing in my head.   I can’t control them.  Since I have a very overactive imagination, there all sorts of scenarios in my head right now.  I am rambling again, please someone stop me!  I am very happy by the news.  I did not believe it at first.  When I received the letter, I was like holy shit is this for real.  Is this a joke or what?  After the initial shock wore off I was okay, this is soooo cool.  I am hoping that this will open some doors for me.  I now have established myself as an artist (I think).  Who would have guessed that a mental defective like me would become an artist? Go figure.  Okay I am minimizing again please someone stop me before this goes to my head.

     You can go to and type Coppla, Marie and the list is there.   When my book is published in 2006, I will start another blog dedicated just to my poetry and the book.    If nothing comes of this, I will be happy (not complacent) that my work was recognized.  Fuck, who the hell am I kidding?  I will keep on writing until something happens for me.  There is no stopping me now.  To quote Mr. Seth Frye, “Put that in your pipe and smoke it.”  


Sunday, November 27, 2005

Useless shit about me!

     A word of caution, this list was compiled under the influence of Zoloft and a six- pack of Budweiser.  These things together are a yummy combination.  

  1. I can’t manage stress very well

  2. Budweiser is my favorite beer

  3. Absolut Vodka is my favorite liquor

  4. I have a potty mouth

  5. I am allergic to animal hair

  6. I love cats (but can’t own one)

  7. Purple is my favorite color

  8. I love to burn scented candles; especially white ones

  9. I am outspoken

  10. I am a bit of a perfectionist

  11. I love kids

  12. I am a bit of a slob

  13. I frequently get depressed

  14. Chocolate and caramel are my favorite candy combo

  15. Diet Pepsi is my favorite soda

  16. Cheese cake is my favorite desert

  17. Ben & Jerry’s CC Cookie Dough is favorite ice cream

  18. I USED to weigh 190 lbs.

  19. I have naturally curly hair

  20. I love  spending money

  21. I like tall good looking men

  22. I am a bit shallow

  23. I was born in Massachusetts

  24. I hate winter

  25. I have never been arrested

  26. I love bubble baths with white candles and sipping wine

  27. I have a Bachelor of Science degree

  28. I have never been married; but I can still hope can’t I

  29. I love roses

  30. I like to watch golf on TV

  31. I like to play video games even though I suck at them

  32. I love to watch the sun set

  33. I love clear blue ocean water

  34. I am a realist which is often mistaken for pessimism

  35. I fantasize often

  36. I like meeting new people but I am scared sometimes

  37. I have a hard time keeping a conversation going

  38. I am straight

  39. I am abrasive

  40. I am aggressive

  41. I like dirty jokes

  42. Law & Order SVU is my favorite TV show

  43. Sometimes I like to be left the fuck alone

  44. I am at times very insensitive

  45. I often get bored and I hate boring

  46. I sometimes wallow in self-pity

  47. I am afraid of being alone

  48. I have no real close friends

  49. I have a poor body image

  50. I complain constantly

  51. I hate the status quo

  52. I hate black and white way of thinking; always shades of gray

  53. My favorite toy has a moving appendage and it vibrates

Well shit, it seems I have a lot of time on my hands.  I went the untraditional way and had an uneven number.  I guess I had to do a list at some point.  I will do another in the future about things that piss me off.   Well take care and party hardy.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Holy shit..I think I found something that works!

     After many years, I have found a “happy” pill that actually treats the mental affliction that I have.  During my course, I have been treated with Prozac, Wellbutrin, Buspar and Lexapro.  None of these seemed to work all that well for me.  I recently went to the doctor and told him that these drugs were not working so he started me on Zoloft.   Yes, I am finally coming out of the closet. I am mentally ill.  Just in case anybody is wondering, I did not ask for this shit or want to be so fucked up that I need medication to function. I am just playing the hand out which sucks.

     My official diagnosis is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Most of you already know the symptoms so I will not rehash them.  Off my medication, the symptoms take over my life.  I have debilitating negative self-talk, fits of uncontrollable rage, anger, panic and anxiety.  These things often scare people.  At my former job, I was often told that I scare people and I was often labeled as a “time bomb waiting to go off.”  One thing that really pisses me off is people’s lack of education, understanding and compassion when it comes to mental illness.  I guess people are afraid of what they don’t and don’t want to understand.  I just have one thing to say, get over your fear we don’t need it!

     On this new medication, the chronic depression I feel is better.  I still sleep well into the day and I lack motivation to do everyday things like clean my house, do laundry et cetera.   All I feel like doing these days is lie in my bed and watch TV.  Writing has helped a lot.  I look forward to finishing my book, which will pinpoint the causes of my illness.    The voices in my head are not so rampant they are somewhat under control.  I am concerned that I will not be able to continue my treatment due to no health insurance.  I know that there is support and help available I just have to find it.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Welcome to OUR Town!

     Jude, you had asked me to write a story about my latest misfortune using my former colleagues as characters in a story.  Well here, it is my friend.  For all my other readers enjoy laughing your asses off.  I sure did when I wrote it. If any of this offends anyone, I would encourage you not to read and comment.   I changed names and descriptions to protect myself from the not so innocent.  Enjoy!

     She steps off the bus into a new town.  It is very late and she is tired from her long journey from the last town she left.  She is filled with positive feelings and expectations.  Little does she know what is in store for her?  She has come here much to her dismay but she decides to give it a chance.    She somehow gets an uneasy feeling that this town is the same as the one she left a few years earlier.  She checks in at the cheapest motel in town, unpacks, showers, and brushes her teeth and goes to bed with anticipation of the start of her residency here in a new place.  She drifts off to sleep telling herself that it will all be okay.  

     The next morning she rises early, dresses and brushes her teeth and starts getting to know the residents of her new home.   She first goes to a local café and has a healthy breakfast.  She needs her strength if she is going to make the most of her first day here.  She leaves the café, and starts to walk down the street when she meets one of the residents.  It is a tall man about mid-forties, blonde hair, and blue eyes with a warm and friendly smile he says to her, “Good Morning my name is Mr. Passive.  I will help you anyway I can.  Please do not ask me to stand up for myself because the women in this town walk all over me and I let them get away with it.  Welcome to OUR town.”  She smiles at him, wishes him a good morning, thanks him and continues on her way.  She thinks to herself that he may be somebody she would like to get to know a little better.

     As she continues on, she runs into a woman.  She is young with red hair and beautiful green eyes.  She stops and says to her, “Hello, I am Ms. Arrogance.  You should be nice to me or I will make or break you.    I am the best think since sliced bread.  I like things done MY way.  I like things all neat and orderly.  I know everything there is to know here.  I run this town.”  She thinks that this woman is obviously a pseudo leader and she will meet the real one soon.  As with Mr. Passive, she bids her a good morning and goes about her business.  She immediately thinks that this young woman is on a power trip. She can be either your best friend or your worst enemy.  

     With all the excitement, she is a little weary so she rests for a spell on a park bench when another woman sits down next to her.  She looks about her age, brown hair and eyes.  The woman says to her, “I am Nosey Parker glad to make your acquaintance.”  As soon as she found out the name there was trouble.  Nosey Parker continues to say, “Please tell me all about yourself and I will be sure to tell everybody else what you told me because I cannot keep my mouth shut and I am always in other people’s business.”  She says these things with a high pitched voice that would drive anybody insane.  She smiles at the woman, shakes her hand and says, “Thanks I will be seeing you around.”  A red flag goes up after shortly meeting Nosey Parker.  She knows all too well not to tell this woman anything that you do not want repeated .  This translates don’t’ trust her as far as you can throw her.  She is right now running to tell everybody in town that the new one has arrived.  However, she wants to give everybody the benefit of the doubt.

     After having the exasperating experience with Nosey Parker, she rests a few moments longer.  She finally resumes her walk about town until she reaches a quaint internet café.  She immediately enters because she smells the aroma of her favorite coffee hazelnut.  She buys a cup and sits down at a terminal to check and answer e-mails from the past couple of days.  A few moments pass and another woman sits besides her.  She has bleached blonde hair and silicon breasts.  She is also carrying a handbag decorated with cows.  She says to the woman, “Cute bag, I can see you have a cow fetish going on here.”  The woman replies back to her with a bit of attitude, “Thank You and yes I do.  Let me introduce myself I am Desperate.  I come here often to this café to shop for jobs, clothes, husbands and anything else the internet has to offer.”  She replies to the woman, “Pleasure to meet you.  I hope to be seeing you around town.”  She then finishes drinking her coffee, checking her messages and then quietly leaves the café.  As she continues walking around town, she thinks WOW! what a fake.  She knows however, that you should not always judge a book by its cover.

     As she approaches her final destination, her new place of work, she enters through the back door and up the elevator.  As she steps off, she sees the cube farm lined up pretty in a row.  She now sees Mr. Passive, Ms. Arrogance, Nosey Parker and Desperate congregating together spreading their usual dose of morning cheer.  They all see her say hello and smile.  She thinks Oh My God what have I gotten myself into?  She walks over to them and says, “Hello.”  Nosey Parker says to her, “Welcome to the office there is someone who I want you to meet.”  A very tall and handsome young man with sandy blonde hair rises from his chair and says, “Hello, I am the Golden Boy.  Stick with me and you will get away with whatever you want.”  She thinks that this is going to be a place plagued with double standards.  The question remains does she play along to get along or does she play by her own rules as she has always done.  Only time will tell.  

To Be Continued…


Friday, November 18, 2005

It's Official...I am part of the bum squad. Which means I am unemployed!

     This is my way of dealing with the “trauma” of being fired.  At approximately 3:30 this afternoon, I ended my tumultuous reign as resident troublemaker at the “Corporation State.”  I am not sad or angry all I am is humiliated.  The following scene is an accurate account of when went down as I received my walking papers. Some of this has been fictionalized and embellished for artistic content.

     She is standing there filing when The Almighty summons her to his office.  As she walks in, she sees a security guard and thinks that this cannot be good.  She is filled with anxiety as she closes the door and sits down.   He looks at her and says, “This action plan is not working out so we have decided to terminate.”  Dumbfounded but not shocked, she replies, “Okay.”  He goes through his rehearsed corporate story and tells her about things such as benefits, unemployment and so on.  When he is finished she asks, “Why is security here, I am not going reach over there and strangle you.”  She is given forms to sign and her final paycheck then asks him politely to ask the security guard to leave.  He says, “No anything you have to say you can say with him here.”  

     She gets up. She is followed by the guard out of the Almighty’s office.  She walks down the hall to the place where she has called home and begins to clean it out.   As they ride down the elevator, she realizes that she has left something behind.  They ride back up to retrieve the missed item of memorabilia.  She turns around to see them all standing there waiting for her exodus; she is now humiliated.   In a flash of biting wit she says, “Well, it seems that I have an audience.”  She then gracefully bows to the people at her left and then to her right.   She then with security in tow, boards the elevator one last time never to return.  

I am thinking now that it is for the best.  I can take this time and focus on my writing.  With unemployment and my 401K I should be okay until tax season starts in January 2006.  Here are my final thoughts about this humiliating experience.   I cannot believe that senior management would watch me leave.  I felt like saying don’t you people have nothing else better to do; but I refrained.  I am also perplexed by the fact that people are fearful about what they do not understand and don’t want to understand.  If “leadership” acts this way I did not want to follow them anyway.  I have always gone against the status quo and not be one of the crowd.    I guess that is one of the reasons I am now gainfully unemployed.  I will not miss Ms. Nosey Parker and the Compulsive Queen.  Therefore, they all can relax and continue their practice of backbiting and double standards.  I know come Monday I will be the topic of conversation.  They will relentlessly put me down; after a spell I will be yesterday’s news.

So for you at the “Corporation State,” BUSINESS AS USUAL!



Tuesday, November 15, 2005


For the past several weeks I have been dealing with a lot of sadness and stress in my life. I have been looking for a new job, dealing with family dysfunction and dealing with crap at my present job. I am often depressed and I am constantly lethargic. When I get this way I write poetry as my release. I have written a new poem that I would like to share with everybody. It is titled Nothing Is Right. Well, here it goes:

Nothing is right; it is all a mess,
Things learned begin to digress.
Nothing is right; I am always sad,
Life has nothing to make me glad.
Nothing is right; I live with fright,
I put gloves on and begin fight.
Nothing is right; I have lost hope,
I go inward to try and cope.
Nothing is right; I cry with all might,
I live in darkness not with the light.
Nothing is right; I am wild eyed,
I go under the covers to hide.
Nothing is right; nobody wants near,
They all run away because of fear.
Nothing is right; like the rain,
Until again, I live with the strain.

It seems when the low points come that is when I do my best work. I have decided that this poem will be a part of the book. I know deep down that things will get better eventually. Right now on the surface the low points seem to be driving me to despair. Next week is Thanksgiving and I will be trying to find out what I am thankful for. Hope everybody is well and keeping busy. Well campers that is it for now.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Viva Las Vegas...For Mary Alice

Mary Alice, as promised here are some pics of fabulous Las Vegas. I have also included some pictures of the Hoover Dam as well. If you ever want to come and visit please let me know, I will be your tour guide. Enjoy the Pics.

I applied for a job at the new Wynn resort but I did not get it though. If you ever come here to visit try and get a flight at night. The decent into McCarran is great. It gives you a good view of the strip all lit up. I was blown away when I first came out to visit in 1998.

Monday, November 07, 2005


I have a little bit of information to share with everybody but not a lot. Today was my second appearance in the Las Vegas traffic court. For one of the offenses "they" say I committed I got a $160 dollar fine and I have to go to traffic school. Good thing about traffic school is that I can do it on-line Yippie! The other so-called offenses I am going to fight those because I think they are crap. The only thing I liked about the whole experience is that the judge was pretty cool. He had a good sense of humor, that is one thing that I like to see in people.

I have also been having computer problems again so I went to COMPUSA here in town and a nice man by the name of Troy helped me out. His advice saved me a lot of money. I also found out that he is the IC manager there at the store (IC is short for Inventory Control, it's an accounting term) and he is an aspiring writer. He does not like what he is doing just like I am. I am glad to find out that I am not the only one out there who is frustrated and trying to do something that they love to do. I recently commented on Austen's blog that he is never alone in his struggles and today I found out that it applied to me as well. I hope Troy and I can become friends and we can bounce creative ideas off each other.

About the book, I am having a little case of writer's block, but I am confident that this too shall pass. In the meantime, I have printed and bound what I have already have and it is coming together quite nicely. I am currently struggling on a essay I want to include but I am lacking direction at this point. Maybe if I do some research and think a little it might hit me. I have also posted some of my other poems on If you have a few minutes, please check them out. Just enter Coppla, Marie and my list should be there. There are two under Marie A. Coppla that's me as well. Well campers that is it for now. Please feel free to comment on the blog if you read the stuff on Please take care everybody.

Sunday, October 30, 2005


Jude, you asked me to give you a sample from the book.  I chose the following poem.  It is called “The Voice.”  Only three verses to this one.  Please feel free to critique and give an honest opinion.  I have always said that I cannot improve without constructive criticism.  

To all of my readers, I hope you enjoy the poem.  It took a lot out of me to write it.  This book for me is a real journey.

The Voice

     Once I was battered and torn with no place to turn,
     I thought my heart and soul would forever burn.
     I cried out, “please make the pain stop” but no one heard my voice,
     I always felt like I never had a choice.
     Years have gone by; I was searching for the answers to the hard
     questions that life always asks,
     I tried so desperately to remove all of the masks.
     One day you came; a soft voice in the night that said, “come to me,”
     Now alone and lonely I will no longer be.

     Now that I have seen you and heard your voice, it says, “I am here, call me,”
     You helped me to discover the truth that I was too blind to see.
     The voice helps me regain my dark soul, out of the abyss and into the light,
     Now I no longer live with fright.
     The voice is one of tenderness and compassion; things that this cruel world lacks,
     It has given me some pretty hard whacks.
     The voice says, “tell me all of your doubts and fears,
     The things I have lived with for many years.

     The voice is what I hear in my darkest hour; it comforts me,
     It holds me, as I have always wanted to be.
     The voice is one I can only hear say that I am OKAY,
     Like the child I never was, I could finally go out and play.
     The voice eases my pain and sorrow of the past and
     gives me hope for the future,
     Now my wounded soul I can finally begin to suture.

Well there you have it campers, a small look into my soul.  The title of the book is Breaking The Silence…A Survivor’s Story.  I hope to have it completed and published sometime in 2006.
I am going to publish this work on  From time to time, I will post updates on the progress and share my feelings about it.  That’s it for now.

Thursday, October 27, 2005


She was tired on that Thursday evening when she boarded the bus for home. As she sat in the middle of the section labeled "Whites Only," she is thinking about what to cook for dinner that night and what a rough day she had on the job. As the bus continues on its route, she is looking out of the window and thinking how much she hates the segregation laws. She also thinks about her work over the years fighting for civil rights. She looks up and notices that the "Whites Only" section is full now and more white people have just boarded. She knows at some point she will have to give up her seat to a white person. The driver orders all of the black people to move to the back of the bus, no one moves at first until the driver yells again and they comply...everybody except her. She is not an aggressive or defiant person by nature but she has finally had enough of being treated like a second class citizen. This is America, the land of the free and the home of the brave. The driver repeatedly shouts at her to move back and she still refuses. The driver is now visibly angry, he slams on the brakes gets out of his seat and stomps over to her and demands that she move. She still refuses to move. The driver then exits the bus and returns a few moments later with a policeman. She is immediately arrested for violating the segregation laws.

I was very sad to hear of the death of this great lady. Not only did she pioneer the civil rights movement, she also had the courage to stand up for what she believes in not matter what the cost. I am appalled that this country even had segregation laws. This country was founded on Christian principles and the belief that all people are created equal in the sight of God. I think that our founding fathers did not have segregation in mind and were rolling over in their graves. I guess the lawmakers at that time forget that little detail or simply decided to overlook it when imposing segregation. You think? We are human after all, born to make mistakes.

I remember the final scene in the film "The Long Walk Home." The two main characters (one black, one white) were standing together hand in hand behind the yellow line and people shouting at them, "Walk Nigger Walk!" Every time I watch a movie or read a book about the civil rights movement, I am constantly appalled at how we as white people have treated black people over the years. It is this hatefulness and ignorance that has continued to spawn the racism in this country. Although things have changed significantly since Mrs. Parks's day, I am sometimes ashamed to be white. However, I realize, we cannot control the actions and spoken words of others we can ONLY control ourselves.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005


Today I received an e-mail telling about the 7th annual National Survivors of Suicide Day sponsored by AFSP the same organization who sponsored the walk that was held earlier this month. As I have mentioned previously, I knew someone who is a victim of suicide. On November 19th victim's families and other loved ones can come together and connect with others around the country who have lost someone they loved to suicide and share their pain and their memories.

This is another small step for those who have been left behind to continue healing and to go on with their lives. I encourage all survivors to participate if you can. It only helps you more. Each small step we take to try and heal alleviates the pain a little more.

Friday, October 21, 2005


I recieved this today. It is funny and loaded with truth and again I laughed until I almost pissed myself. Enjoy!

Whether Yee bee Republican, Democrat or Independant, this symbol is pure Governmental!

(picture of president's emblem) then (a red, white and blue condom)

Official Announcement

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

Damm, it doesn't get more accurate than that!


I was sifting through my e-mail and I found these new Maxines. I like to laugh when things are getting tough, so Maxine does it for me. She and I have graduated from the college of smartassness. These are things that we all wish we could say but can't. I hope you like them as much as I do. I laughed my ass off!

1. I'm ready to listen...are you ready to think?
2. Why don't you slip into something more a coma
3. Never go to bed angry...stay up and plot your revenge
4. Have a nice day! (someplace else)
5. Don't believe everything you think
6. Well aren't you just the most adorable black hole of need
7. Shhhh...that's the sound of nobody caring what you think
8. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?
9. I don't know what your problem is...but I bet it's hard to pronounce
10. Don't make me use UPPERCASE
11. If you have something to say raise your hand and place it over your mouth
12. Before you came along we were we're fed up!
13. You're not yourself today...I noticed the improvement immediately!
14. Would you like some cheese to go with that whine???
15. I'm busy now can I ignore you some other time???
16. Don't let your mind's too small to be let out on its own
17. You really are as pretty as a picture...I'd like to hang you
18. I'd like to give you a going-away present...first, do your part
19. I hear you changed your mind at last...what did you do with the diaper?
20. I'd like to help you out...which way did you come in?
21. There is no vaccine against stupidity!
22. Life is TOO short to dance with ugly men

So, there you have it campers, Maxine at her best. I personally like numbers 11, 15 and 17. Let me tell you why, I have a co-worker who is the resident busy body. Yes, each office has one. This person CANNOT keep her mouth shut. She is in EVERYBODY'S business! She is also very hypersensitive so therefore if I said any of these things to her, she would cry, whine and then tell my manager. It is nice to dream isn't it?

Sunday, October 16, 2005


     Ever since I was a kid, I have always been fascinated by Hollywood and its lifestyle the glamour and glitz, the beautiful people and the MONEY!  I often fantasized about living the Hollywood life (and sometimes I still do even now).  What intrigues me the most is celebrity marriages and relationships.  We have all at one time or another read the tabloids Star and The National Enquirer to see whom in Hollywood is hooking up and breaking up.  Love and relationships are timeless they do not change, whether they are in suburbia or in Hollywood.  We poor folks in suburbia fight mostly about money and the lack of it.  I guess when two celebrities hook up they have other issues such as career aspirations, philandering, who is more successful, pressures of the media and so on.  I was in the grocery store this morning and I happened to see the latest issue of US magazine, and the latest casualties of war are Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey.   I think this one was just a matter of time.

     I have been following this story a little bit (I have more important things to do besides fascinate myself with celebrity lives) and I have heard and read that Jessica's dad is still a very influential part of her life advising her to focus more on her career than her marriage.  Is he her manager, I am not sure?  I was always under the impression that when a woman gets married her husband is the primary man in her life and her father should keep a little distance.  I guess I am a little old fashioned (but slowly changing these points of view).  If her dad is in fact her business manager then I guess he was only doing his job as manager.  I suppose with this generation anything goes.  I guess when you are young (not to imply that I am an old hag) one tends to be more career driven than love driven.  I guess they figure that they can have it all.  You can have all of the fame, fortune and power your heart desires but you will not take that crap with you to the grave.  Nothing's perfect, if it were the world would be a boring place to live in (and I hate boring).

     I am not saying that ALL celebrity marriages and relationships fail.  Look at Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson just as an example.  These two have been together  for over two decades.  No marriage or relationship is perfect, it goes through stages and it takes a lot of work.  They have managed to keep it together despite the Hollywood machine.  Maybe the younger generation should take some tips from couples that have been together a while.  Oh well, I guess that is part of growing up, something that everybody is destined to do.  A lot of us (me included) are putting it off for as long as we possibly can.

     I am anxiously awaiting the next casualty of war.  Will it be Ashton and Demi?  Only time will tell.



Tuesday, October 11, 2005


     This is a line from a song written by one of my favorite artists.  Can anyone guess who it is?  This post is very lengthy and is broken down into two parts.  Enjoy!

     As I have mentioned, the Out Of The Darkness community walk for suicide prevention and awareness here in Nevada was held on this past Saturday.  Due to last minute circumstances beyond my control, I was unable to participate in the walk.  I was very sad, disappointed and filled with regret that I could not walk to honor Brittany’s memory and support the cause.  However, I did get some facts about the walk but more importantly, I got a story of healing.  Approximately 150 people gathered to walk and raised several thousands of dollars for this cause.  The organizers characterized the walk as a great success.  I am going to do my best to describe the walk and its atmosphere and share my thoughts and feelings about it.

          They were gathered there together on a windy and cool but sunny autumn morning. They are gathered here to support a sad reality of their lives. Someone they loved committed suicide.  Music was played to honor the victims, tears were shed to release the pain for loved ones lost.  As the ones who are left behind to soldier on, they walk and shared stories about their loved ones and reminisced about bittersweet memories.  They are also there to send a message to others: let us be the only ones who have to live with this pain, please help us and hear our cry for help but we are not alone.  Afterwards, they rested for a while, refreshed their bodies, talked again with others, wished them well and went their separate ways.

     Even though the walk is held on an annual basis, the participants live with the pain and memories of their loved ones every day of their lives.  To me, the walk was not about raising money, it was about taking a small step in healing their broken hearts.  Let me share with you a few lines from a poem that I am working on.  It is simple in nature, but reveals a powerful truth.

     “Pain gets in and becomes a blackness that seeps into your chest,
       If you can’t feel and release it, you will never be at your best.”

     “Pain waits for you it has no place to go,
        Even though it knows that you are slow.”

     I would like to take an opportunity to send a message to someone who was at the walk that I did not get the pleasure to meet.  I am happy that you were there, walked, and took the time to feel the pain and grieve for your loved one.  I sincerely hope you will continue to heal.  Melissa Etheridge wrote, “If I am to heal, I must first learn to feel…in the ruins.”

     With that quote, let me begin the second part of the post.  This past week I have been dealing with a very unpleasant situation.  They are a common occurrence in every day life.  Angry words and feelings were exchanged, feelings hurt and people are divided.  In dealing with this situation, I had an epiphany and as a result, I am now writing and compiling a book of my poems and other writings.

     For me, this book is going to accomplish several things.  First, it is going to be my only way to express my feelings of anger, rage, frustration and sadness.  Second, it will finally tell the people in my life how I feel about things that have happened to me in my life.  It is my hope that they will FINALLY understand.  Thirdly, and most importantly it will be a big step towards healing and bringing myself (and I hope others) out of the darkness. Let me end with another quote from the same song that I referred to in the beginning.  It serves as a message to those people in my life who have no idea who I am and how I feel.

          “And the woman may be awestruck
            And the woman may truly care
            but the woman is so tired…
                   So the woman disappears...

           Come in out of the darkness”

     By writing this book and posting on this blog, I hope it will be a small step to finally “Come In Out Of The Darkness.”

Tuesday, October 04, 2005


     This is first chance I have had to post in a while.  I have been busy with other things.  Let’s face it nobody will read this anyway, but here it goes.  Today I had the wonderful opportunity to go to traffic court.   It was loads of fun and excitement, I am all warm and fuzzy on the inside just thinking about it! Judging from the amount of people waiting in and outside the courthouse I guess the Las Vegas police department has met it’s quota for the month.  I am just so in love with our judicial system!

     For the last couple of months I have been working with my sister-in-law Lynette on a book that contains writings and poetry written by her late daughter Brittany.  Reading and typing these poems and writings has inspired me to rediscover my creative talents and I want to pursue a career as a freelance writer and or a poet.  I is clear to me now (so many years after the fact) that I have made the wrong career choice and I am now living with ramifications of it.  You might ask yourself why it took me years to realize I screwed up.  The answer is simple my friends, DENIAL is a very powerful force in the universe and should not be messed with.  I finally KNOW that accounting is not right for me.  I hate the 9 to 5 rat race.  It really sucks! I hate the office setting and all that goes with it Yuck!

     I am currently looking into some on line writing courses and a career change seminar at UNLV.  The writing courses I found are good.  The only problem is that I am BROKE!  This really bites the wiener!  This coming Saturday, I will be doing a walk for suicide prevention here in Las Vegas.  I have written a couple of entries on this very sensitive subject.  If the spirit moves you, please check them out and even leave a comment if you like.  I cannot improve without all forms of criticism.  You can find out more about the walk on  I have included a link to the website, check it out if the spirit moves you.  Well campers, that’s it for now, I will hope to post again after the walk on Saturday complete with pictures.

That’s all she wrote.


Tuesday, September 27, 2005


I know that hurricane Katrina is no longer the hot story of the week now Rita has taken her place.  I received an e-mail with a funny picture and an interesting quote from comedian Wanda Sykes.  Most have already seen this picture, but you can never get enough of a good thing.

Jay: “But President Bush took responsibility.”

Wanda: “I don’t think the President should have taken responsibility…I don’t blame the President.  I blame the American people.  Y’all knew the man was slow when you voted him in.  You can’t blame the blind man for wrecking your car when you’re the one who gave him the keys.”

I could not have said it better myself.  I did NOT vote for this fool.  I cried shamelessly when he was elected in 2000 and re-elected in 2004.


     In the first post, it told a story of a twelve-year-old boy who committed suicide just so his siblings would not have to live with their father.  The father as you may remember left guns and ammo in plain view where the children could easily gain access.  Well good news, the father is finally being criminally charged.  He was charged with one count of felony child-abuse neglect causing substantial bodily harm and two gross misdemeanor counts of neglect. Yippee! We would also like to see the family court judge who made the initial ruling allowing joint custody be held accountable as well.  Hey, a baby step here is fine with us.

     In another related development, the federal government has announced an annual 400K grant for 3 years to help Nevada with suicide prevention.  Governor Kenny Guinn has suggested that a statewide suicide prevention coordinator and a trainer be hired.  I found it very odd that back in 2003, the Nevada Legislature approved a suicide prevention program but the money was never materialized.  Therefore, I guess it did take the suicide of a 16-year-old girl in juvenile hall to get the state and federal governments to stand up and take notice.


Tuesday, September 20, 2005


As I was entering the parking lot of the gym, I noticed that it was unsually full. I thought to myself that everybody's here working off all the beer that they drank over the weekend. I was thinking, why do I come to this place five days out of seven anyway? The answers were painfully obvious; to try and alter my distorted body image of course , and to make myself more attractive to the male eye. Let's face reality people, most men are attracted to good looking women with nice bodies. I guess this is an attitude I have had ingrained into my head at an early age and it has been difficult to emancipate myself from it.

I, like most American women have bought into the poor body image trap. I have suffered with a poor body image since adolescence and it has followed me into adulthood. That is one of the sad realities of my life. You would have a poor body image too if your father constantly told you to stop eating or you will get fat enough so you cannot fit through the front door. I am permanently damaged and shallow. Thanks so much!

Shannon wrote about this issue of women's problems with body image on her blog (which is one of my favorites on the blog circuit). She attributes women's issues with poor body image to men's images of the ideal woman and Hollywood's obsession with perfection. I think she may be onto something here. You would think in the year 2005 society's attitudes on this issue would change for Christ's sake !

I just have one thing to say to thoes men out there who want a woman with a salmming body; if you can expect it of us we have just as much right to expect it of you. I am in no way bashing all men here, I am merely trying to make a point.

How do you like me now?

Sunday, September 18, 2005


I have recently be experiencing some comment spam on my blog. I find this very annoying. I did not start my blog to use as a advertising ground. I do not know how may others out there have encountered this, but there is a feature that can help prevent comment spam, word verification. I am sure that everyone is aware of it. To let everyone know, I have utilized this feature. If this is an inconvenience to anyone I am very sorry. I will miss your comments.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005


This is something I have been working on. This is just the beginning of it. Please feel free to comment and critique. I cannot improve without constructive criticism. Enjoy!


She is getting ready to face another day in her routine life. She walks slowly down the hall until she sees the looking glass. She is standing there looking at her pretty woman face. She is wondering where she is and why she is here. She asks herself "Who am I? How did I get here? Is there something better waiting out there for me?" As she stands there and ponders these questions, a hand reaches from the glass and a voice says "Come, it is all right, you have nothing to fear". With the eyes of a child, she takes the hand and steps into the looking glass not knowing what is ahead. Is she ready to see what might be revealed? Is she ready for her questions to maybe finally be answered?

Now she is behind the looking glass. She sees a pathway and wonders what she has gotten herself into. Suddenly she hears a voice say "If you do not go, you will never know". With hesitation and fear she walks slowly down the path until she sees a small green house. It is wintertime, she sees children playing in the snow, faces red from the bitter cold.