MAXINE AT HER BEST

I was sifting through my e-mail and I found these new Maxines. I like to laugh when things are getting tough, so Maxine does it for me. She and I have graduated from the college of smartassness. These are things that we all wish we could say but can't. I hope you like them as much as I do. I laughed my ass off!

1. I'm ready to listen...are you ready to think?
2. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma
3. Never go to bed angry...stay up and plot your revenge
4. Have a nice day! (someplace else)
5. Don't believe everything you think
6. Well aren't you just the most adorable black hole of need
7. Shhhh...that's the sound of nobody caring what you think
8. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?
9. I don't know what your problem is...but I bet it's hard to pronounce
10. Don't make me use UPPERCASE
11. If you have something to say raise your hand and place it over your mouth
12. Before you came along we were hungry...now we're fed up!
13. You're not yourself today...I noticed the improvement immediately!
14. Would you like some cheese to go with that whine???
15. I'm busy now can I ignore you some other time???
16. Don't let your mind wander...it's too small to be let out on its own
17. You really are as pretty as a picture...I'd like to hang you
18. I'd like to give you a going-away present...first, do your part
19. I hear you changed your mind at last...what did you do with the diaper?
20. I'd like to help you out...which way did you come in?
21. There is no vaccine against stupidity!
22. Life is TOO short to dance with ugly men

So, there you have it campers, Maxine at her best. I personally like numbers 11, 15 and 17. Let me tell you why, I have a co-worker who is the resident busy body. Yes, each office has one. This person CANNOT keep her mouth shut. She is in EVERYBODY'S business! She is also very hypersensitive so therefore if I said any of these things to her, she would cry, whine and then tell my manager. It is nice to dream isn't it?