"COME IN OUT OF THE DARKNESS"

     This is a line from a song written by one of my favorite artists.  Can anyone guess who it is?  This post is very lengthy and is broken down into two parts.  Enjoy!

     As I have mentioned, the Out Of The Darkness community walk for suicide prevention and awareness here in Nevada was held on this past Saturday.  Due to last minute circumstances beyond my control, I was unable to participate in the walk.  I was very sad, disappointed and filled with regret that I could not walk to honor Brittany’s memory and support the cause.  However, I did get some facts about the walk but more importantly, I got a story of healing.  Approximately 150 people gathered to walk and raised several thousands of dollars for this cause.  The organizers characterized the walk as a great success.  I am going to do my best to describe the walk and its atmosphere and share my thoughts and feelings about it.

          They were gathered there together on a windy and cool but sunny autumn morning. They are gathered here to support a sad reality of their lives. Someone they loved committed suicide.  Music was played to honor the victims, tears were shed to release the pain for loved ones lost.  As the ones who are left behind to soldier on, they walk and shared stories about their loved ones and reminisced about bittersweet memories.  They are also there to send a message to others: let us be the only ones who have to live with this pain, please help us and hear our cry for help but we are not alone.  Afterwards, they rested for a while, refreshed their bodies, talked again with others, wished them well and went their separate ways.

     Even though the walk is held on an annual basis, the participants live with the pain and memories of their loved ones every day of their lives.  To me, the walk was not about raising money, it was about taking a small step in healing their broken hearts.  Let me share with you a few lines from a poem that I am working on.  It is simple in nature, but reveals a powerful truth.

     “Pain gets in and becomes a blackness that seeps into your chest,
       If you can’t feel and release it, you will never be at your best.”

     “Pain waits for you it has no place to go,
        Even though it knows that you are slow.”

     I would like to take an opportunity to send a message to someone who was at the walk that I did not get the pleasure to meet.  I am happy that you were there, walked, and took the time to feel the pain and grieve for your loved one.  I sincerely hope you will continue to heal.  Melissa Etheridge wrote, “If I am to heal, I must first learn to feel…in the ruins.”

     With that quote, let me begin the second part of the post.  This past week I have been dealing with a very unpleasant situation.  They are a common occurrence in every day life.  Angry words and feelings were exchanged, feelings hurt and people are divided.  In dealing with this situation, I had an epiphany and as a result, I am now writing and compiling a book of my poems and other writings.

     For me, this book is going to accomplish several things.  First, it is going to be my only way to express my feelings of anger, rage, frustration and sadness.  Second, it will finally tell the people in my life how I feel about things that have happened to me in my life.  It is my hope that they will FINALLY understand.  Thirdly, and most importantly it will be a big step towards healing and bringing myself (and I hope others) out of the darkness. Let me end with another quote from the same song that I referred to in the beginning.  It serves as a message to those people in my life who have no idea who I am and how I feel.

          “And the woman may be awestruck
            And the woman may truly care
            but the woman is so tired…
                   So the woman disappears...

           Come in out of the darkness”

     By writing this book and posting on this blog, I hope it will be a small step to finally “Come In Out Of The Darkness.”