Christmas Reflections

Merry Christmas Comment Graphics


Well friends it is Christmas once again. It is a good time to reflect on this years failures and victories. It is a time to show others love, compassion and forgiveness. I think we should be doing things ALL year round. The reality is that we sometimes don't. This is a reality that I have a hard time accepting.

I have made some new friends this year-Rain and Candy you guys are the best! I also reconnected with some old ones. Sans, I hope you do well in therapy and begin to find some happiness in your life. I know it is hard, if you keep trying it will come.

Sid and Polar Bear-My Christmas wish for you is that you find peace and happiness. For us suffering from mental ailments it is a challenging proposition.

Jen, MM, James and Molly-Have a safe and Merry Christmas.

To my stalker-Please use your talents to further the greater good of man not to hurt other people.

To all my friends in blogland- Have a very Merry Christmas!

I Am Being Stalked!

I have an internet stalker on my hands. He is visiting my blogger sites at least 2 times a day for at least 30 minutes or more. He has also phised my MySpace as well.

He is taking my passwords dowloading pictures from ALL of my sites and displaying them all over the internet. He MUST be stopped! He has posted images from my blogger and MySpace friends as well. The most disturbing is that some of these pics are of minors. I don't know if he is a sexual preadator or what. Again he MUST! be stopped.

I would encourage all my friends on Blogger/MySpace to protect your profiles and pictures if you can. This person whoever they are is one sick mother fucker!

Now a word to my stalker:

I know who you are! I have reported you to the abuse hotline at Cox Communications. If you try to publish ANY of my poetry, I will sue you for copyright infringement once I am informed of your name and address. I do not know why you are doing this or why you chose me. You are a sick individual with too much time on your hands. Get some help..right quick. Ohh One more thing. Fuck off and die!!!

A DAY OF HOPE AND HEALING

On Saturday, I had the opportunity to attend this year's National Survivors of Suicide Day with Lynette. I was very honored that she asked me to attend. The conference was held at the Central Christian Church in Henderson, NV.

Lynette and I were there to honor (like everyone else) a loved one we lost to suicide. Below is a picture of Brittany. What a beautiful young lady she was!

We had a light breakfast of fruit and cake. After breakfast we had opening remarks about what we as survivors can do to take care of ourselves during the grieving process and that it is OK to feel how you feel whatever the emotion is. Lynette has said to me many times the only question she has is WHY? We then had a teleconference of other survivors in other states sharing their stories. All of these stories were moving but sad none the less.

After a break (Boy Lynette and I NEEDED a cigarette and a beer at this point!) we all got into groups to share our feelings and talk about whatever we wanted to talk about or not talk at all but listen to others share their stories. Lots of tears were shed! After about 30 minutes of that we went outside to release balloons to honor our loved ones.

When they called Brittany's name all the hairs on my arm stood up and I shed a few tears and secretly asked Bittany to forgive me( for not reaching out to her when I could have) because I have had a hard time forgiving myself.

Lynette and I had time to talk to people about the walk on December 2nd and hand out information. I think we will be seeing some of those people at the walk.

We also had the honor to meet Suicide Activist, ISP President and Author Matthew Dovel. He will be joining us for the walk.

All in all it was a wonderful day. The weather was warm and sunny. Good for us because Lynette and I got locked out of the building and we had to walk all the way around to the front entrance.

After the conference, Lynette and I went and had a couple of beers and played some slots. To relieve some tension. I won $100.00. I was like OMG! I never win anything!

I hope everyone is doing well. Please take care XXXX

In The News!

Just a little update. My aunt is feeling much better. I guess my dad going out there helped her alot.

Lynette, Rachel and I brought a major case of Bronchitis home for SLC! Lynette is still fighting it a little bit. It makes it hard for her to sing at her Karaoke show. What a Drag! But we found a remedy-Lots of Beer! HaHa!

I have found a temporary job until tax season starts-I hope! I have been asked to clean up the books of a local businessman. I went to his office and took a look-Whoa Man! They are a mess! I hope I can fix this!

Below is a recent picture of me with a friend at Jim & Lynette's Show.



I guess my friend is a little camera shy! That is odd knowing what I know about him. Wierd


I was watching the news last night at the town of Parumph has adopted English as it's official language. Of course some people got upset. Who doesn't when something controversial happens? Here is how I feel about this. It will FORCE people who do not speak English (yes you know who you are) wether you are in this country legally or not to learn english! The classes are free fro Christ's sake. So please take some time to take these classes-it will bring you one step closer to what you TRULY want-to enjoy the freedoms enjoyed by US citizens.

Salt Lake City

As promised, here are some photos from the SLC trip. Too bad I could not take any pictures of the band. All that I can say that the show ROCKED!!! The weather was kind of shitty but we managed. I have not seen snow since I left Boston in 2003!




Rachel & I dressed and ready to GO!!!

Rachel & Lynette-Dressed and Ready To Go!!!



How Pretty Rachel Looks!

Rachel & Lynette Just Chillin'




Lynette enjoying a cold one!-Oh how we love our beer!

Published Again!

On Thursday of last week I recieved a letter from the editors of Poetry.com to inform me that my poem "Addiction" is going to be published and that it is entered in the semi-finals in their monthly poetry contest. You can read the poem on my poetry blog, poetry.com or on My Space.

As some of you know my first poem "Her Angel" was published in 2005. To me this is another little step in where I want to go. I hope this IS a sign of better things to come.

IN THE NEWS

Tomorrow I embark to Salt Lake City to see Evanescence for the first time! I bought their new album and it ROCKS! I have been looking forward to this trip for a couple of months now. It will be my chance to relax and unwind. I have been under a lot of stress with finding a job and dealing with my Dad. These things have spun a web of depression. I hope this trip will help me get out of it. At the last minute the venue was changed from In The Venue to The Great Saltair. I read on the bands My Space that the venue change was due to fan demand for tickets. That tells me that they really care about their fans; that is TRULY cool! Lynette and I had a hell of a time finding directions to this venue but we did it! Below is a couple of pictures of the venue. I will post a blog about the trip complete with pictures when I get back on Friday









In other news...My aunt is in the hospital in Sioux Falls South Dakota. I guess she has been ill for some time. So, my dad left early this morning to SD to be with her. I hope his being there will help her recover faster! It is always nice to have family around when you are ill. There presence seems to soothe the soul! I wish her a speedy recovery!

OUT OF THE DARKNESS

This year I am helping Lynette organize this year's Out of Darkness community walk here in Las Vegas. This cause is very special to me because as you all know Lynette's daughter Brittany (my niece) took her own life on April 11, 2005. We plan on having live music and guest speakers and good food. So I would encourage you to make a donation. I have included a quick link to my sponsor page or you can go to www.outofthedarkness.org for more information. Our team's name is Angel Brittany. I would encourage my Las Vegas readers (you know who you are) to register and support this great cause! Below is a personal message from Lynette about the walk.







This fall I will join thousands of other people nationwide who are walking in their communities in the Out of the Darkness Community Walk, which raises money and awareness for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

The goal of this event is to raise funds for suicide prvention, erase the stigma surrounding suicide and its causes, to encourage those suffering from mental illness to seek treatment, and to show support for the families and friends of the 30,000 Americans who die by suicide and the 20 million people that suffer from depression each year.

In 2005 I walked to honor the memory of Brittany Kish who tragically took her own life in April 2005 at the age of 16 years old. She was my daughter. This year I am not only walking in her memory, I am helping organize this year's walk. Local musicians, keynote speakers and media coverage are on my list of top priorities. I am also looking for anyone that may be able to help with donating beverages and snacks. Last year we had around 130 people join us to walk. I hope to increase thoes numbers this year.

It is astonishing to realize that experts estimate a suicide attempt is made once a minute, and a person in the United States dies by suicide every 18 minutes. Mental illness such as depression and bi-polar disorder affect millions of people we work with, spend time with and love. When accompanied with widespread stigma that surronds them, these mental illnesses isolate their victims, causing feelings of helplessness and despair that they don't feel comfortable sharing with their friends or family.

Please take a moment to consider how many people you know thay may be affected by suicide and mental illness, and think of how you will be helping those same people. Team Angel Brittany's goal is to raise $2000.00 or more.

I hope that you will help me reach my goal by making a donation, or signing up to walk with me as part of team AMGEL BRITTANY at Kellog-Zaher Sports Complex on December 2, 2006. To register as part of team ANGEL BRITTANY, go to outofthedarkness.org.

Sincerely,



Lynette Kish





As most of you know I suffer from depression and bi-polar disorder, so this cause for me personally is worth supporting. I thought about attempting suicide during my teen years and in adulthood. With therapy and medication these feelings can be treated but not cured.

So please do all you can to support this cause in your area!

Yes..There Is A God!!!

I just finished watching Flavor of Love 2 season finale. I am happy to report that Ms New York DID not win. I said to myself Yes...There is a God.




Now honestly men, would you want this vain, shallow, insecure, manipulative drama queen on your arm? Flavor Flav saw right through her. Way to go Flav!! She was hurling insults at everybody to alleviate all the things that are wrong with her. In "Reality" she is the fake bitch. I realize that some of way she behaved was for "TV" but I feel at the end of the show, she showed her true colors.




I wish Flav and Ms. Dellishis the best if they try to make a go of it.

One last thought Mrs. New York got what she wanted. And your daughter is just like you and Flav recognized that.

Let's Play 50 Questions...Or Not!

I got this quick pro quo from James. I like these because they are a small glimpse into your soul.

"Shadows move across her face..You cannot see her soul..Unless she lets you see her soul" Any guesses what song this is from? "If you find you have won the game." Well enough with song lyrics for now, here are my responses to the 50 questions.

1. How tall are you barefoot? 5ft1
2. Have you ever flown first class? No I can NEVER afford it
3. What was one of your favorite books when you were a child? I can't remember my childhood very well, but if I were to guess I would say Curious George.
4. What is a good restaurant in your city? Joe's Crab Shack
5. What is your favorite small appliance? Coffee Maker
6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? I have two-Wanda Sykes and George Carlin
7. What's your favorite Christmas song? Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
8. What was the first music that you ever bought? Fleetwood Mac-Rumours
9. Do you do push ups? No
10. What was one of your favorite games as a child? I spent a lot of my childhood/adolescence in my room, but when I came out I liked to play the card game Crazy Eights
11. What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments? Spaghetti Sauce
12. When you were twelve years old what did you want to be when you grew up? I never wanted to grow up-I wanted to be a Toys R Us kid forever
13. Your favorite soup of the day? broccoli and Cheddar
14. What in your life are you most grateful for? To have survived my childhood/adolescence without committing or attempting suicide
15. Have you ever met someone famous? No
16. Date of birth? August 18, 1968
17. Top 3 thoughts at this moment? I need a cigarette, I need to shit, I need to brush my teeth
18. Three people you're thinking about right now? I'm not
19. Name five drinks you regulary drink? Diet Pepsi, Water, Budweiser, Heineken, Green Apple Martinis
20. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news from? CNN and MSNBC
21. Current Hair? Highlighted blonde and growing it out
22. Current worry? How to change careers
23. Current Hate? George W Bush
24. Favorite place to be? In my room so I don't have to deal with all the bullshit that life brings sometimes
25. Least favorite place? Work
26. Do you consider yourself well organized? Only when I am in a manic state
27. Do you believe in the afterlife? The jury is still out on that one
28. Where do you think you will be in 10 years? Hopefully in a better place in life than where I am now
29. Do you burn or tan? Burn then tan
30. Who was the last blogger you hung out with? Molly-Ballerina Gurl
31. Are you optimistic or pessimistic about the future? I guess a little of both
32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink? Last Thursday night
33. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't sing in the shower
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a kid? The Boogey Man
35. What's in your pockets right now? Nothing-I am wearing shorts with no pockets
36. Last think that made you laugh? George W Bush's approval rating
37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? Don't remember
38. Worst injury you've ever had? A blistering sunburn
39. Favorite song? Boulevard of Broken Dreams-Green Day
40. How many TV's do you own? One
41. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them? Two-My mom and my nephew Joshua
42. Last person that made you blush? Can't remember
43. Best compliment received? That I have talent as a writer/poet
44. What song is in your head? Lithium-Evanescence
45. What is your favorite book? She's Come Undone-Wally Lamb
46. Last meal you cooked for the opposite sex? None-I am not dating anyone right now
47. What songs do you want played at your wedding? I don't think I will be getting married
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? I have three-Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Gold Dust Woman (the original version not the remake), Angel-Sarah McLachlan
49. What were you doing at 12 midnight last night? Playing games on my laptop
50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life? Become a successful writer/poet, inner peace, find my soul mate

Quiz results

I got this quiz from Jen's blog, I tokk it and here are the results


You're Elle Driver! Sly and evil, you can manipulate people in order to get whatever you want. You're usually alone, but that's the way you like it. You hate having others nearby to order you around (unless it's Bill, of course... but even then you're still hesitant

The Crazy Kitties!

You all must be sick of my cats by now but I had to share these pics. Most of them are of Duke sleepig in my Mother's craft basket. He is a nut, but I still love him to death!

In other news, I had a job interview this morning. Things did not work out due to my limited availability. Ah bite me!


I hope eveybody is doing well.

New Blog

Just to let all of my readers know I have created another blog. The name is The Poet Laureate...Not. The addess is mariethepoet.blogspot.com I have also added it to the links. I hope my faithfull readers will drop by and take a look.

I hope everybody is well.

An Update and a Dedication

Lynette called me yesterday to inform me that the parole board decided that Barry is not eligilble for parole again until August 2009. What a victory this is for Lynette and Jim and for victims everywhere. In this case the system DOES work. We as victims have the power to envoke change even though we think we are not strong enough.

We can move on with our lives and NOT think about this for now. The last step is that Lynette has to settle with the hospital that Barry worked in. She wants it done and over with so she can get on with the other things she has to do.

I think of the song "Broken" I especially like the lines "The worst is over now and we can breathe again." I would like to dedicate the song and video to Lynette, Jim and Rachel.

BROKEN
Seether, Amy Lee
Singingfool.com

Rest In Peace..."Baby Girl"...For Now!!!

On Tuesday 9/12/06 Lynette, Jim and I went to the state prison(again) to address the parole board against Barry being paroled early(Refer to the 8/27/06 post for more background). This time we had added more ammunition-Brittany's best friend Rachel! I know she was very nervous but she did just fine. If she can go on Face to Face she can do ANYTHING!!! Barry will not be paroled, we went there to convince the parole board that he should not be eligible again until August 2009. Like in the 8/27/06 post I am going to let everybody read excerpts from comments that were made to the board by Rachel and Lynette.

Rachel's Comments:

"We were pretty much inseparable. Once we were both discharged from the hospital we were by each other's side. There was no Brittany without Rachel and no Rachel without Brittany and everyone knew it. We spent every weekend at the mall, my house or her house. We made so many memories together. I can still hear her voice over the phone with her cheerful 'Hey Baby Girl'. She was and will always be my best friend in the world.

My best friend is gone. Brittany and I had so many plans and now those are gone. I planned on being in my 50's and calling her on the phone to hear her cheerful 'Hey Baby Girl'. That will never get to happen. Please give the maximum time before he is eligible for parole again so he can't hurt someone else's Best Friend."


Lynette's Comments:

"He was able to somehow get lifetime supervision removed from his sentencing. I cannot fathom how a judge could remove that from a sexual predator. After she died I was left with the heartbreaking task of going through her things. I found three pictures she had printed from news stories online, tucked away in a little pocket of one of her poetry folders. On the back of each of them she wrote a small caption. The one that I will always remember reads...'I am sorry I ruined your life. I never meant to hurt you. I am sorry I told. As God as my witness someday I will make things right'. In my opinion on April 11, 2005 she chose to do that. She committed suicide while locked up. It may be just a coincidence but while reading many of her writings, I believe this was her way of making things right.

As of April 12, 2005 I do not feel that even doing the full 10 years could even come close to justifying what he did... I am begging you to please give the maximum amount of time (which I believe is 3 years) until the next time WE have to go through the pain of loosing her all over again. I don't think it should read the parole board will review this case to determine his next parole eligibility date. It should read the parole board will review his case to make his victim or victims relive all the pain his actions have caused. That is just how I feel. It may be too late to keep my daughter safe from those who pray on the innocent but you have the power to keep other families from having their children's innocence stolen".


Now all we have to do is wait for the decision from the board. We are all hoping that he will not be eligible until August of '09. What I have taken away from this experience is that we as victims DO have a voice and that we should get over our fear and speak out. In Brittany's case -WE her family and friends-are HER voice. This is one case in which I do believe that the system does work. Both Rachel and I have regrets about things that have happened in regards to Brittany. I firmly believe her spirit is saying to us softly "It is Ok I know you loved me."


After the hearing we went back to the house and Jim made a great dinner to celebrate our victory once again.

We Shall NEVER Forget!!!

" AMERICA !" I don't know who put this together but, they deserve a lot of credit. Osama Bin Laden, your time is short; We'd rather you die, than come to court. Why are you hiding if it was in God's name? You're just a punk with a turban; a pathetic shame. I have a question, about your theory and laws; "How come you never die for the cause?" Is it because you're a coward who counts on others? Well, here in America , we stand by our brothers. As is usual, you failed in your mission;If you expected pure chaos, you can keep on wishing Americans are now focused and stronger than ever; Your death has become our next endeavor. What you tried to kill, doesn't live in our walls; It's not in buildings or shopping malls. If all of our structures came crashing down; It would still be there, safe and sound. Because pride and courage can't be destroyed; Even if the towers leave a deep void.. We'll band together and fill the holes We'll bury our dead and bless their souls. But then our energy will focus on you; And you'll feel the wrath of the Red, White and Blue. So slither and hide like a snake in the grass; Because America's coming to kick your ass!!! Keep this email going.. PASS IT ON

Happy Blogversary To Me!!

It was one year ago today that I started my blog. I have lost some friends and made some new ones. Molly, Jen, Shannin, Sid, Genelle, Sans and Renah-you guys are the best!!!

I have also encountered some freak shows and some Seth wannabes-Yes, Matt I am talking to you, you little troll! All in all it has been a very interesting year. With each post my writing talent has improved and my confidence heightened-things I thought would never happen.

For your reading pleasure, I have included my first post. Everybody please take care.



Saturday, September 03, 2005

ANOTHER AMERICAN EPIDEMIC
Here in the land of the free and the home of the brave we have AIDS, the homeless, the "war" on drugs and any form of debauchery known to man (specially here in Las Vegas). Something new has joined the ranks, adolesecent suicide.I had dinner last night with my soon to be sister-in-law. We were talking about different subjects until the topic of her daughter's recent suicide came up. As the conversation progressed, she told me that since her daughter's death, at least 3 more young people under the age of 18 have taken their own lives.She told me a story of a 12 year old boy who has a family history of violence and abuse. The parents are divorced and the family court judge decided on joint custody for this boy and his siblings. The children clearly did not want to live with the father. The father is a ex-marine with a history of abuse. He also kept guns and ammo in the home where children could easily gain access. Before this boy took his life he said to his brother "I am doing this so you don't have to live with dad."As I was sitting there listening to this story, I could not help but be appalled by some of the obvious flaws in the family court system. How could any judge in his/her right mind mandate joint custody when it was clear that these kids were being subjected to abuse? Something else disturbed me as well. How could any responsible parent leave guns and ammo in the path of children?There is such a need for change here in Nevada on how troubled adolescents are handled by the judicial system. My sister-in-law is slowly becoming a advocate for these long overdue changes. It had to take the suicide of a 16 year old girl to make the Nevada legislature finally stand up and take notice. My only comfort is that she did not die in vain.I have included a link to "Out of the Darkness" a website dedicated to suicide prevention and awareness. Their annual fundraiser/walk is scheduled for October 8, 2005 in which I will be participating. Hopefully we will have raised some awareness for the latest American Epidemic.

A Day of Victory!!!

On the way to jail, police say he admitted having sex with a minor, but in court today, a former counselor changed his story, pleading not guilty to 27 counts of sexual assault. 29 year old Barry Bergmann met the girl at a treatment center for troubled teens where he worked as a supervisor. Barry Bergmann pleaded not guilty to sexual assault against one female victim under 16.



The female victim under 16 was my niece Brittany whose picture is on the right. Partially due to this crime she committed suicide. I had the opportunity on Friday to go to Indian Springs with Brittany's parents to Barry's physc board hearing. This hearing was to determine if Barry was still a high risk to re-offend. Here are some excerpts from the statements her mother Lynette and I made at the hearing.


Lynette's Comments:

"I am here speaking to you as a survivor of a victim who can only be heard from those of us who have survived through the events, in my opinion caused by this inmate's actions."

"I am now her voice for all to hear. I did not get to see her graduate or start college. I will never get to see her walk down the isle or start a family."

"Barry Bergmann got 2-10 years and I got a life sentence."

My Comments:

"I do not know what was going on in his mind when he committed these crimes. It is my belief that he should have never been working in the mental health profession dealing with emotionally unbalanced people; especially teenagers. To me he took advantage of a 13 year old child and played with her head."

"She was found in her cell hanging from a bedsheet. As long as I live I will never get that image out of my head."

"Brittany had the potential to be anything she wanted. Those of us left behind are left to forever wonder what she would have become."

After Lynette, Jim and I addressed the board, the board questioned Barry thoroughly. In the course of Barry's remarks, he FINALLY admitted that he was partially responsible for Brittany's death. A statement which made Lynette very happy. Barry felt at the time he committed these crimes that he has helping Brittany. One doctor on the board did not buy it. He said something to the effect of you actually thought you were helping when you asked your dick be put into someone's mouth. My brother at this point was ready to kill the SOB. He feels as I do that this guy is the worst kind of sexual predator. Barry basically lied his ass off about everything. It did not take the board long to decide he was still a high risk to re-offend.

With this determination by the board, Barry will be denied parole next month. So this was our day of victory. After we left the hearing we all cried and hugged each other. After that he went to a bar a had couple of drinks to relax and celebrate.

My Life's Song/Video

Everybody has one song that sums up their lives or accurately expresses how they are feeling at any one given time. Below here is mine. I will discuss the symbolisim after you see the video.

BRING ME TO LIFE (Evanescence)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

I saw the animated version of this song and I really did not like it. I like this version because you see Amy Lee having nightmares in her bed and standing on the precipice and falling and then being caught.

The precipice and falling I think symbolize living in constant fear. This is a awful feeling. The word FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. I have had nighmares that I was falling. They were so scary that I lost many a nights sleep because of them. It is not my intention to freak anybody out. I write this merely to share some of my life experiences (some pleasant some not so pleasant).

This song defines my life up to this point. It is time for me to make some changes, stop living in FEAR and bring myself to life.

Coco and Duke In The Flesh

Here are some recent pictures I took of my cats. I hope you all enjoy them.

WTF...Call The Police!!!

I went to my apartment to finish last minute things before Monday's move. I walked to the front door and noticed it was slightly ajar. I knew right then something's up. When I walked in, I found boxes that were once taped opened. When I went into my bedroom I found it ransacked. My hope chest was gone through the contents all over the floor.

My DVD player was stolen and all of my DVD's and VHS movies. I know the perp was a male. He used my toilet and did not bother to flush and he left the seat up. What a fuckin asshole. Something like this happened to me a little over a year ago. I had a load of laundry in the dryer 45 minutes later the clothes and my laundry basket were gone. The nerve of some people. Who would want to steal somebody's worn underwear? Beats the hell out of me!!!

Below, here are crime scene photos.
































Well, I am glad I am moving out of this apartment and this neighborhood. Maybe my new home will be a litter bit better.

No Longer A Virgin

Ha Ha! Made you look. Get your filthy minds out of the gutter. Every since my brother Jim and Lynette started doing Karaoke in the 90's they have always said that they were going to get me up on stage to sing. Through the years they have always said I was a chicken shit for not getting up to sing. So after many years they have popped my cherry, I am no longer a Karaoke virgin. I chose to do Landslide by Fleetwood Mac. I know I sucked at it, but what the fuck do you want from a virgin, for it to be awesome?



So this is me doing my song. Yes I have gained weight since I have been unemployed. That is going to change fast. I hope to get better as time goes on. I love to sing so I think I have found my outlet for a amateur.

"Food" For Thought

Well, I hope everybody in blogland had a safe and happy 4th.

As everybody is aware, I am currently unemployed. I have been asking myself why. I am thinking that maybe the reason is that I have FINALLY realized that I fucked up big time when it came to a career choice and I do NOT want to go back into corprate America for another round of panic attacks and heavy duty stress. I know that a career change is imminate, but I do not know how to begin. I do not know if it is even possible. Maybe I am just too old to make a change now. I just don't know!!! I am deeply perplexed.

When I was in college, I did very well in researching and writing papers. So something tells me that I should have pursued a career as a writer.

THE HEART TOOK OVER THE BRAIN!!!

Another thing I have been pondering is pursuing my poetry. I do not know how to get that ball rolling either. It may lead to something I really enjoy; music.

She sits on her bed with her head in the clouds as she says to herself what now!!!

I sit and ponder all of these questions as I lay in my bed getting fat on CC Cookie dough ice cream and watching sit-com reruns on TV until the wee hours of the morning.

I don't mean to depress anyone really, I guess I just have too much time on my hands. I think I am throwing a "mini" pity party which I hope will end soon.

Yet Another Poem

This is one of my favorite poems. I hope you all enjoy it.

To heal she now feels the pain and cries the tears,
She has not done so for many years.
She lies alone in her bed in the dead of night,
She wants someone to hold her and take away the fright.

She cries because she was made an adult before it
was time to be one,
She could never go out and have any fun.
She cries for her lost youth and innocence,
She feels that her whole life she has done penance.

She cries for not experiencing a first true love,
Pure and white just like a dove.
She cries for what she did to survive,
She has never felt truly alive.

She cries for the reality that she is alone,
She wants someone to find her and bring her home.
She cries for the lost hope she sometimes feels inside,
She wants to pull over the covers and hide.

She cries for making bad choices,
She has always listened to the voices.
She cries for the way her life has turned out,
Now all she wants to do is scream and shout.

She cries for the person she once was and the person
she has become,
She still hopes that some day those two will become one.

Yes...It's Another Poem

The Happy Little Pill

I take the happy little pill,
I feel like I take it against my will.
They make me feel I lost part of me,
I want to stop taking them don't you see.
It helps me manage my disease,
They think it will help me live life with some ease.


Before the pill I lived by mine not society's rules,
Even now I still won't sink on that ship of fools.
Come hell or high water I will not be led to slaughter.

A New Look

I felt it was time for a change. So here it is. I will be doing other customizing in the comong days. I hope everybody is doing well.

A Short Poem

Here is a little something I have been working on. I hope it will not depress anyone.

The Guardian

Dear sweet one we have finally laid you to rest,
Your sensitive soul is not put to the test.
You were sent to protect and guard,
To help us when life gets too hard.
You now sit quietly here on my shoulder,
To guard and guide as life grows colder.
We need to believe you did not die in vain
If you did nothing will be the same.

Meet My New Friend

As promised here are some pictures of my Siamese kitten named Duke. He is the cutest kitty I have ever seen. I love him to death. I love playing with him but I have new scratches on my arms, legs and face but it is worth it. I am very lonely and he makes life a little bit better. I took him to the vet on Thursday to get his first set of shots and he is doing well. I have to take him back in 3 weeks to get his second set.

I am very sad to read that Miz E has stopped blogging. It seems my blog friends are leaving me one by one. First Shannin then Blither then Miz E. All I want to know is why? I am thinking maybe they are going onto bigger and better things. I will miss all of you very much. Please stop by the blog and leave a comment. I would love to hear from you guys again. I have phone numbers so you can expect a call from me soon.

Well that's it for now. All my blog friends take care and I hope to hear from all of you soon